duality of the mustache

During Wednesday nights miraculous win against the Mariners  Huff was sporting a manly mustache and B. Rob was growing a little flavor saver as well.

As Rod Kimble said “All great men have mustaches!” But the lip tickler does come with a dark side. A manly soup strainer is a great source of power that can be used for both good and evil.  Individuals such as Stalin, Yosemite Sam, and Robert Goulet have abused the mustache to gain power and strike fear in the hearts of their subordinates.

On the other hand American heroes like Navy SEALs, Michael Jordan, Tom Sellick,  and Apollo Creed rock lip sweaters with ambivalence helping to secure the American dream.

Famous O’s of yesteryear (like Shaft Murray)  rode their trusty lip dusters all the way to World Series glory in ’83.  Unfortunately Raffy abused and tarnished the image of the modern Baltimore baseball mustache, but now is the time for a resurgence.

Recently the Cardinals pitching rotation have equipped themselves with a viscous arsenal of  ‘staches and are racking up wins in the process. The miscues committed by Seattle leading to Wednesday’s victory can only be attributed (in my opinion) to the mysterious  power of the dirt lip.

I for one hope that the trend catches on with the rest of the Birds. Even if it doesn’t help right the ship; as pointed out on SportsCenter today, “much like chimpanzees,  mustaches make everything funnier.”

see you at the yard.

~Ted Logan

7th inning rant

Anyone who has been to the park knows that the middle of the 7th inning  brings a serenade of “Thank God I’m a Country Boy” from “Mr. Sunshine on my goddamn shoulder John Denver.”  The song is accompanied by a straw hat wearing, denim clad, fiddle carrying yokel who dances around like an epic tool. I truly despise this musical interlude.

This song does not represent Baltimore or the great state of Maryland. Some would argue that Maryland’s chief commercial industry is farming. While this may be true agriculture only employs approximately 350,000 out of the nearly 3,400,000 working individuals in our state. Also pesticide and fertilizer run-off from farming have contributed to the decimation of our greatest natural resource, the Chesapeake Bay, but that is an argument for another time. Furthermore only 300,000 live in rural areas compared to the 5,600,000 living in urban settings.

We at Birdland should embrace a song that represents the essence of  the city of Baltimore and Maryland. Here are my suggestions.

Tupac ft. Bone Thugs ~N~ Harmony -Thug Love

But why Ted? I’ll tell you why. Thug Life.

Baltimore is always a competitor for highest murder rate in the country, just barely edged out for the top spot again in ’08 (thanks Detroit).  Combine that with some drugs, violence, and a stop snitchin’ campaign and you have a perfect “Thug Life” scenario.

Also Tupac spent some time at the Baltimore School for the Arts where he studied acting, poetry, jazz, and ballet. Gangsta. However it may be a little too mature for the family environment at the Yard.

Doogie Howser – Theme Song

This one should be a no brain-er. In complete contrast (or maybe directly related) to the dangerous city persona illustrated above, the Baltimore metro area has some of the top hospitals in the world, with Johns Hopkins ranking in at No. 1 on U.S. News and World Reports Best Hospitals in ’08. Also that show ruled and NPH is the man. My top pick. Probably not a fan favorite though.

Baltimora – Tarzan Boy

They have Baltimore in their name. As if that wasn’t enough the song is catchy and easy to sing along with making it excellent for stadium crowds. The icing on the cake: it appeared in  TMNT 3 and Beverly Hills Ninja. Both excellent films appearing during the ninja entertainment explosion of the 80′s and 90′s. Probably the landslide favorite.

Please join us by abstaining from singing and dancing during the slanderous 7th inning song. We can only make a change if everyone hops on board.

See you ‘oun ‘ehr at da yard hun.

~ Ted Theodore Logan