Monthly Archives: June 2009

UPDATED: Boston fans are from Virginia?

Typed in bandwagon red sox in google and got this.

Typed in bandwagon red sox in google and got this.

Seeing as how we’re starting a series with possibly the most hated team in the AL East, we put a poll up to pin-point the exact location of the plague…Alaska!?

Anyway, as I write this, we’re already down 1-0 so I decided to make a post so people could leave their comments about:

  • Why they think the majority of Sox fans don’t live in Boston.
  • All around venting on why you hate the Red Sox.

As a bonus, if we get over 100 votes (for the first twenty-seventh time in ESH history) I’ll post an amusing anecdote about a run-in I had with a Boston fan on the way to the park.  Trust me, it’s funny.

So everyone vote, leave a comment, and if you can…get to the park and heckle a Red Sox fan.

The best way to heckle a Sox fan is to ask where they’re from.  If they say Boston, ask to see ID.  If they say Virginia, (they likely will) brace yourself for a story about how they like the Sox ’cause their grandfather grew up in Boston or their niece went to BU.  Then, tell them they’re lame.  Some of the crew will leave tips in the comments section so you can get other ideas on how to stick it to the Sox douche bags.

~Kevin Lomax

UPDATE:  as of July 1, we have officially…18 votes.  Are you kidding?  We had 50 on the first poll!  Do whatever it takes but we need to get 100 votes.  If you need to post it on OH or all your blogs, do it!  If we get 100 votes, not only will I share my sox fan story, but I’ll give out 5 of our first edition shirts when they are ready on the merch page (chosen at random from the comments page).

Vote or cry die!

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rObots

Yes, please.We are going to see Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen at the IMAX to kill time before the O’s take on the Nats tonight. Big ass robots. Big ass explosions. Awesome! Speaking of big, it’s a big night for promotions at OPACY. Tonight the first 10,000 to the yard will be treated to a Nick Markakis batting jersey that could only be worn by Wigginton. That’s right, it’s gonna be huge!

 

UPDATE: The Markakis jersey is not gigantic! It claims to be an XL, but it’s more of a smedium, fitted for infants and 140 lb. fellas like myself.

Johnny Utah

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Battle of the Birds

Tonight the O’s will be setting off fireworks vs. the Natinals. The Eutaw Street Hooligans will be there. If you’re planning to be at the yard, we’ll be in the Right Field Bleachers (best view for the ‘works). You should recognize at least one of us.

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The Thriller

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It’s Always Smoggy In Philadelphia

Adventures Away from the YardAs you may know, the Eutaw Street Hooligans made a trip up to Philly on Saturday to watch the O’s beat up on the World Series Champs.  We took our show on the road to the ill-named City of Brotherly Love. I’m not saying that the fans up there were douches, but only because I’m not sure that is a strong enough term.  We’ll get to that later.

Let’s start with Citizens Bank Park.  Weak sauce.  Take everything you love about OPACY and…well, they tried to replicate it.  They were unsuccessful.  They have their own former player Boog’s knock-off and a fake Eutaw Street they call Ashburn Alley.  But, the thing that really sucked (no, not the assortment of trash strewn about the stands…I said we Where is the fence?would talk fans later) was that from our right field seats, we couldn’t even see the whole field!  We still aren’t convinced that Zaun hit that homerun because for starters it is Greg-freakin’-Zaun, but also because we couldn’t see the fence in right or center field, not to mention about 50 feet into the field of play, either.  At first glance, I thought they were so cocky that they were playing with no right fielder, but it turns out Jayson Werth was just hiding from us.  Beyond the field of play, it seemed like we were on a tour of Natinal’s Park, except they couldn’t fit everything.  So, they decided to add more attractions to get in your way.  A ball pit and sky tube funasium that would make Chuck E. jealous (weep?), carnival games, and endless eateries just blocking up the scenery.  Yes, THE Mitch WilliamsThe lone bright spot?  Mitch Williams Wild Thing Southpaw Salsa!  We didn’t eat it, but the fact that it exists is amazing  by itself.  Let me get this straight, Philadelphia…you will boo Santa Claus, but Mitch Williams gets his own salsa and you are okay with that?!  Mitch-fucking-Williams!  Way to embrace mediocrity, which explains a lot about your stadium.

Now, let’s talk about the city.  First of all, we live in Baltimore.  Our chief exports are murder and STDs.  But I’m pretty sure I could see in the distance one, of what I am assuming is many, factories which only exists to produce smog 24 hours a day.  You could smell it, you could taste it and you could certainly feel it.  The weather channel kept telling me it was raining, but I am pretty sure that the moisture we were feeling was just an ever present cloud of dense smog.  It felt like we were in a sauna of death and garbage that was too gross for the landfill.

<cough>

Nothing like trash and landfill as a segue to Phillies fans.  I know, we’re hecklers and call ourselves hooligans and we are complaining about other team’s fans.  At the risk of sounding hypocritical, these guys (and gals) are dicks.  Not all of them, we did talk to a few delightful fans.  One of which asked us on our way into the stadium why we would bother lowering ourselves to see a game at CBP when we have OPACY to go to at home.  Wow, was he right.  But anyway, we are not stupid.  When we take our show on the road we tone it down a notch or 5.  There wasn’t any heckling of their players there weren’t any confrontations with their fans, just good ol’ fashioned cheering for the O’s.  Baltimore took a 3-0 lead and we stood and clapped, thats all, clapped and a high five, and said nothing to anyone else…next thing we know there is stuff being thrown at us.  Classy.

Then Baez happened.  Ryan Howard comes off his death bed to deal a death blow to our enthusiasm. Now that they had the lead, they were a little more vocal. Fast forward to the 9th inning, Zaun hits a dinger…laughter ensues because we were immediately calling for Trembley’s head for allowing him to bat and because well let’s face it Zaun hit a dinger.  A grown woman sitting behind us with her mother who had to be at least 147 years old starts yelling at us, “When was your last MVP?”  Probably right around the last time you had all your teeth.  We tell her that her knocks are useless against us because we know that Baltimore is a sub .500 team that needs our love and support.  Her reply?  “Why don’t you try winning a World Series?”  No problem, we could clearly beat either Texas or LSU 2 out of 3 times.  Salazar singles and we start to get that feeling deep in our pants hearts.

What the cover SHOULD look likeBrian Roberts comes up to the plate and…chiton!  Only we weren’t sure because of our obstructed view.  The boos, however, confirmed it.  Howard took the lead with a homerun, and Brian Roberts won it with one.  If I remember math class correctly, this makes Brian Roberts ≥ Ryan Howard.  Bring the rain Phillies fans…we are showered with what seems to be ice cubes and french fries from a few rows above us.  We’ll take the fries, and another come-from-behind victory over the N.L. East.  Orioles 6, Phillies 5. W

There’s no place like home…

~Jjaks Clayton

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Doin Our Part

BSR are our friends.  They comment on our site.  We like that.  Audience participation is a good thing.  Got a sweet idea?  Let us know.

ANYWAY, in the spirit of participation, we’re going to post one of his sweet banners for all you lazy bastards who haven’t voted yet. Actually we can’t post a banner because wordpress won’t let us.  I tried.  But you can peep out the banners here to post on your site.  Or, if you just want to vote, get a free ticket, and shake things up for all the bandwagon fans…click here.  God forbid we don’t have a starting AL line up of all Red Sox’s, Yankee’s, and Ichiro’s (recycled picture, I know…go green or go home).

We invite you to vote orange.  Vote often.  And vote Lastings Milledge on the NL ballot to prove once and for all that the voting system is flawed.

quit holdin me sauce!

quit holdin me sauce!

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Heckler’s Guide

For those of you new at heckling or those of you trying to better your techniques, we’re here to help.   So sit back, relax, and take our advice on effective heckling.

First, we will go over possible targets of heckling.

1.  The Opposition – This includes players and coaches of the opposing team as well as the entire team itself.

2. Umpires – The third team on the field.

3. Other fans – There are many reasons they should be heckled (see below)

4. Orioles players – These heckles MUST be accompanied by an audible expression of your unwavering love for them (unless it’s Hendrickson).

Now you’ve got your targets, but what’s the best way to hit ’em where it hurts?

Players are easy and there are 3 basic ways to heckle them.

  • The first is cultural.  For example, Hideki  Matsui’s nickname is Godzilla.  This opens up the possibility for movie references as well as other fictional beasts such as The Incredible Hulk and Donkey Kong as well.  Be creative.  It is also perfectly acceptable to ask Ichiro if he played ball with Tom Selleck.
  • The second is  on field performance.   This is easy, “Francour is like baseballs version of Superman, except his kryptonite isBaby Momma? getting on base.”
  • The third is off-field shenanigans.  This is where you can have some fun.  Here’s an example for our neighbor in the district, Elijah Dukes: “He didn’t misplay that fly ball, it just followed the lead of his ex wife and took out a restraining order against him.

Heckling of umpires is the most basic of all and really if you can’t do this without my help then you have a long way to come still in your heckling life.

Heckling other fans should only be done for fun as we do not condone fighting.  There are a few different reasons to heckle other fans.  These include:

  • wearing another sports jersey to a baseball game (i.e. a Caps jersey to a Nats game.  The good teams vibes won’t rub off on the shitty one so give it up.)
  • wearing a jersey or hat of a team not participating in the event currently taking place (i.e. a Boston hat to an Orioles v. Detroit game…we get it, you’re a bandwagon fan.)
  • wearing team gear that is a color other than an official team color (i.e. green O’s hats, red Yankees hats)
  • or anyone over the age of 12 who brings a baseball mitt to the game.  Honestly, chances are,  if you brought your glove to the game, you lack the skill to properly use it.  These heckles are not for everybody as they may seem a little mean, such as “Its a good thing you brought your mitt dude.  You never know when we’re going to have another middle infielder go down.”

Now we’ll get on to heckling of our own players.  As a fan, you agree to accept all players on the roster no matter what.  For example, Ty Wigginton.  “With Wiggy on our side we’ve got this in the bag if it turns into a wing eating contest” or “Wiggy would lead the league in stolen bases if we put a double cheeseburger on 2nd base” followed immediately by “You’re my boy Ty!”  This also includes the reverse heckle.  “Sherrill is built like a bowling pin, there is no way he strikes this guy out for the save.”

There it is, your beginners guide.  Look for more to follow, and if you have any questions just ask.  We’re here to help.

See you at the yard!

~ Jjaks Clayton

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