7th inning rant

Anyone who has been to the park knows that the middle of the 7th inning  brings a serenade of “Thank God I’m a Country Boy” from “Mr. Sunshine on my goddamn shoulder John Denver.”  The song is accompanied by a straw hat wearing, denim clad, fiddle carrying yokel who dances around like an epic tool. I truly despise this musical interlude.DSCN0120

This song does not represent Baltimore or the great state of Maryland. Some would argue that Maryland’s chief commercial industry is farming. While this may be true agriculture only employs approximately 350,000 out of the nearly 3,400,000 working individuals in our state. Also pesticide and fertilizer run-off from farming have contributed to the decimation of our greatest natural resource, the Chesapeake Bay, but that is an argument for another time. Furthermore only 300,000 live in rural areas compared to the 5,600,000 living in urban settings.

We at Birdland should embrace a song that represents the essence of  the city of Baltimore and Maryland. Here are my suggestions.

Tupac ft. Bone Thugs ~N~ Harmony –Thug Love

But why Ted? I’ll tell you why. Thug Life.

Baltimore is always a competitor for highest murder rate in the country, just barely edged out for the top spot again in ’08 (thanks Detroit).  Combine that with some drugs, violence, and a stop snitchin’ campaign and you have a perfect “Thug Life” scenario.

Also Tupac spent some time at the Baltimore School for the Arts where he studied acting, poetry, jazz, and ballet. Gangsta. However it may be a little too mature for the family environment at the Yard.

Doogie HowserTheme Song

This one should be a no brain-er. In complete contrast (or maybe directly related) to the dangerous city persona illustrated above, the Baltimore metro area has some of the top hospitals in the world, with Johns Hopkins ranking in at No. 1 on U.S. News and World Reports Best Hospitals in ’08. Also that show ruled and NPH is the man. My top pick. Probably not a fan favorite though.

BaltimoraTarzan Boy

They have Baltimore in their name. As if that wasn’t enough the song is catchy and easy to sing along with making it excellent for stadium crowds. The icing on the cake: it appeared in  TMNT 3 and Beverly Hills Ninja. Both excellent films appearing during the ninja entertainment explosion of the 80’s and 90’s. Probably the landslide favorite.

Beverly-Hills-Ninja-ps02

Please join us by abstaining from singing and dancing during the slanderous 7th inning song. We can only make a change if everyone hops on board.

See you ‘oun ‘ehr at da yard hun.

~ Ted Theodore Logan

Advertisements

6 Comments

Filed under General Posts

6 responses to “7th inning rant

  1. Rick Vaughn

    I second dougie hooser theme….although, baltimora would get me pumped at the park as well.

    country boy is retarded, and 21 is gay for promoting the idea of being a country boy

  2. biffaliff

    While all valid options, I feel a song by R&B sensation and Baltimore native Sisqó would be fitting.

  3. kevinlomax19

    my vote would be “bury my bones in baltimore” by the bridge.

    a lot of words that start with b in that sentence.

  4. BWAHAHAHA! You’re killing me EH!

    I couldn’t agree with you more. If the B-Sun is worth anything, they would hire you as a columnist.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s