Anyone who has been to the park knows that the middle of the 7th inning brings a serenade of “Thank God I’m a Country Boy” from “Mr. Sunshine on my goddamn shoulder John Denver.” The song is accompanied by a straw hat wearing, denim clad, fiddle carrying yokel who dances around like an epic tool. I truly despise this musical interlude.
This song does not represent Baltimore or the great state of Maryland. Some would argue that Maryland’s chief commercial industry is farming. While this may be true agriculture only employs approximately 350,000 out of the nearly 3,400,000 working individuals in our state. Also pesticide and fertilizer run-off from farming have contributed to the decimation of our greatest natural resource, the Chesapeake Bay, but that is an argument for another time. Furthermore only 300,000 live in rural areas compared to the 5,600,000 living in urban settings.
We at Birdland should embrace a song that represents the essence of the city of Baltimore and Maryland. Here are my suggestions.
Tupac ft. Bone Thugs ~N~ Harmony –Thug Love
But why Ted? I’ll tell you why. Thug Life.
Baltimore is always a competitor for highest murder rate in the country, just barely edged out for the top spot again in ’08 (thanks Detroit). Combine that with some drugs, violence, and a stop snitchin’ campaign and you have a perfect “Thug Life” scenario.
Also Tupac spent some time at the Baltimore School for the Arts where he studied acting, poetry, jazz, and ballet. Gangsta. However it may be a little too mature for the family environment at the Yard.
Doogie Howser – Theme Song
This one should be a no brain-er. In complete contrast (or maybe directly related) to the dangerous city persona illustrated above, the Baltimore metro area has some of the top hospitals in the world, with Johns Hopkins ranking in at No. 1 on U.S. News and World Reports Best Hospitals in ’08. Also that show ruled and NPH is the man. My top pick. Probably not a fan favorite though.
Baltimora – Tarzan Boy
They have Baltimore in their name. As if that wasn’t enough the song is catchy and easy to sing along with making it excellent for stadium crowds. The icing on the cake: it appeared in TMNT 3 and Beverly Hills Ninja. Both excellent films appearing during the ninja entertainment explosion of the 80’s and 90’s. Probably the landslide favorite.
Please join us by abstaining from singing and dancing during the slanderous 7th inning song. We can only make a change if everyone hops on board.
See you ‘oun ‘ehr at da yard hun.
~ Ted Theodore Logan