duality of the mustache

RollieFingers

During Wednesday nights miraculous win against the Mariners  Huff was sporting a manly mustache and B. Rob was growing a little flavor saver as well.

As Rod Kimble saMustache Gone Badid “All great men have mustaches!” But the lip tickler does come with a dark side. A manly soup strainer is a great source of power that can be used for both good and evil.  Individuals such as Stalin, Yosemite Sam, and Robert Goulet have abused the mustache to gain power and strike fear in the hearts of their subordinates.

On the other hand American heroes like Navy SEALs, Michael Jordan, Tom Sellick,  and Apollo Creed rock lip sweaters with ambivalence helping to secure the American dream.

ApolloCreedHeroHeroHeroes

Famous O’s of yesteryear (like Shaft Murray)  rode their trusty lip dusters all the way to World Series glory in ’83.  Unfortunately Raffy abused and tarnished the image of the modern Baltimore baseball mustache, but now is the time for a resurgence.

Recently the Cardinals pitching rotation have equipped themselves with a viscous arsenal of  ‘staches and are racking up wins in the process. The miscues committed by Seattle leading to Wednesday’s victory can only be attributed (in my opinion) to the mysterious  power of the dirt lip.

I for one hope that the trend catches on with the rest of the Birds. Even if it doesn’t help right the ship; as pointed out on SportsCenter today, “much like chimpanzees,  mustaches make everything funnier.”

see you at the yard.

~Ted Logan

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3 Comments

Filed under General Posts

3 responses to “duality of the mustache

  1. I’ve been trying to find a picture of Huff with a stache for a post I’m working on. I love it!

  2. Shane Falco

    After reading over this post I have compiled some statistics to back up your theory.

    Cal Ripken ended a 34 game hitless streak by growing a mustache during an off day.

    Eddie Murray had a BA of .367 with his stache and .192 without

    Aubrey Huff was hitting .227 with an OBP of .245 without his stache. With it he is hitting BA .690

    Brian Roberts has never walked before growing his stache. Now not only has he walked 10 times he has also had 50 RBIS in 11 at bats.

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