Mr. Clayton was gracious enough to post our Hecklers Guide last month. In it, he gave you soon to be shit-talkers a pretty good run down on the heckling basics. Our guest blogger, Bob Arctor, is going to dive a little deeper into one trait that makes a good heckler…being able to spot a phony. Enjoy.
Do: Wear a jersey.
Any current jersey will do…Markakis #21, Jones #10, Roberts #1 those all work. Hell, even something for the opposing team will work; If you want to show your support for the visiting team, by all means, go for it. Just make sure it is a jersey for the opposing team and not a team that’s not even playing that night. Throwbacks are okay…Murray #33, Palmer #22, Ripken #8. These are great at saying, “Look, we suck. But we didn’t always.” Even funny jerseys are good, Angelos #666, A-Roid #13, etc.
All of these show support and leave little doubt as to your loyalty to your team. When headed to the yard, throw these on with pride and know that you are dressed to impress.
Do Not: Wear a jersey of a former player who is not old enough (read: good enough) to warrant a “throwback” jersey.
Wearing these jerseys are a sure sign that either A.) You are not a real fan or B.) You think that everything you wear, you can make look good.
I know everyone everywhere has seen a jersey of a former player that makes you say, “Really? Of anyone you could have picked, him?” For example a #21 Sosa jersey, #10 Tejada Jersey, or #27 Hendrickson jersey (he may still play for us though, but he shouldn’t). Sure you spent good money on those jerseys.
For me personally; I’ll be damned if I am going to spend good money on a jersey of a player that will only be here for another year or two and then sell their soul to the Yankees to win a championship for 20 bazillion dollars a year, (how’s that work for you Mike Mussina?)
Fret not fellow baseball fans, there are places where you can take these jerseys that will re stitch them with whatever you want on them, so go and turn those jerseys into something that you can wear with pride when you go to the yard.
Do: Wear a Hat
I will maintain that a well fitting, official baseball hat is one of the greatest things in the world. Personally I have over 10 Orioles hats that I have in my rotation. Even some of the “relaxed fit” hats are good too. They are comfy on the head and still show your support. Lest we forget the reason for the hat; to protect your head from the damaging rays that are sent down from the sun and keep sweat out of your eyes. The hat is just a wonderful thing. It even blocks the terrible faces of Red Sox fans.
All in all the New Era 59-50 is a great product. (If anyone from New Era is reading this, please feel free to send me some of your wonderful product for the glowing review, and do not read any further.)
Do Not: Wear a Stupid Hat
Ladies and gentlemen for some odd reason hats are being created that look like this (yes those are little watermelons on the hat).
Look, as I have mentioned, I love me some me hats. But these are absolutely terrible. Baseball hats are supposed to be for fans who want to wear a hat to a game or just out and about that professes the love for their team. They are not supposed to match your equally as terrible Yellow and Aquamarine Texas Rangers shirt.
Also falling into this category is the oversize hat. It seems like New Era has a whole line of hats made specifically for Kevin Mench. Can you just have your store carry normal hats that will fit normal people? Is that too much to ask?
Anyway, hopefully this oversize mismatched color phase will pass.
Do: Go Shirtless to Spell Something out
This is only for the ladies who want to show their support for their team, because lets face it, nothing is cooler than a girl who loves sports just as much as we do.
Do Not: Go Shirtless to Spell Something Out
This is for the guys who basically look like me, because face it, no girl who loves sports is going to like a guy like me…I mean you.
And finally the biggest no-no to do at a baseball game….
Do Not: Wear a Full Uniform to a Game
Now please excuse me I have to get my Jeff Reboulet jersey ready for when the O’s come back to town.