Apocalypse Now

Camden Yards is desolate.  Eutaw Street is being blocked off by military vehicles.  The warehouse lay in shambles.  Looks like it’s been through one helluva hail storm.  Only the hail was mortar shells.  It’s hard to ascertain the street signs and find my bearings.  I’m still woozy, like Tom Ludlow after a day on the Severn River.

I’ve just pulled myself out of a massive crater.  I don’t know what happened.  The last thing I remember was walking out of the game a few weeks ago.  We were struggling after the All-Star break and things were looking grim. But then again, this season was looking grim from the start of spring training.  Adam Eaton was a part of our rotation.  We were clearly surrendering.   I’m guessing no one heard us.

The all-star break ends and the O’s go one of the worst runs in history.  Jones, Bergesen, Pie, Reimold, Matusz, and Tillman have all been shut down for the year.  But still, people didn’t see the white flag waving high and proud from atop the new prize of center field, the Hilton.

See it up there?

See it up there?

And now, I wake up, fresh from what appears to be a ground-shock concussion and all I see is rubble.  It has to have been the Apocalypse.  There’s no other way to describe what I’m reading.

“The wolves are out and some of them want me on a slow boat to China along with poor old Dave.” ~ Schmuck

“I’m disappointed in this road trip. I know we’re beat-up and running out of bullets, but I’m not real pleased with it…” ~Macphail (don’t sue me, Roch didn’t cite his work and I didn’t feel like digging through the Sun archive)

“Maybe we should have our pitchers wear shin guards in the future” ~Olehippie (OH)

reply:  “Our pitchers???? Flak jackets!!!!” ~AlbNYfan (OH)

What is happening?  When did baseball, a fucking kids game, turn into such a life and death endeavor?

Like the open letter Rosenthal sent to Angelos (let it go), I’ll send one out to all of you people out there who are bunkering their houses, stocking up on ammo and canned goods, and calling for people’s heads.


Dear (insert your name here) the ass-hole,

This season was over before it started.  It was admitted by everyone in the organization.

We’ve made good progress and have gotten a nice glimpse into the future of our organization.

The Orioles, whether you care to believe it or not, are not in the position to spend Yankee money on starting pitchers and “16” year olds.

Even if they were, we are not there yet as a team.  Now is not the time to strike.

For those complaining about not hearing anything in the international market, may I remind you:

  1. We’ve just made our first major foray into that market.  Don’t expect a major signing every 6 months or to sign every high profile free agent that gets mentioned.
  2. We don’t hear anything…that’s Andy’s MO.

For those calling for the heads of MacPhail, Angelos, and Trembley, let me remind you:

  1. You have no influence over whether MacPhail stays or leaves.  Nor should you.  You’re dumb.
  2. You have no influence on Angelos selling the team (example: Free the Birds).  He makes too much money and he doesn’t care what you think.
  3. You have marginal influence on whether they fire Trembley.  You can yell and scream and shit (literally, shit…it’s the best way to show someone you are really upset…just let it all go, right in your pants) and you might get lucky that MacPhail happens to witness your temper tantrum.  It’s about as much influence as a third base coach has on a game (Zing!).

I plead with you fellow O’s fans;  Stop bitching so much about a team that had no business playing in the majors this year.  It’s not one person’s fault.  It’s not the players, it’s not Trembley, it’s not Angelos and it’s not MacPhail.  The reason we have a shitty team is simple:  The 2009 Orioles are the collective (shitty) sum of 15 to 20 years of bad decisions by hundreds of people.  I’ll concede that one person has had the most influence over that time, but still…he’s not making all of the decisions.


Kevin Lomax


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