Monthly Archives: March 2010

Quick Funkyball Update

The O’s are climbing the standings, edging their way into third.  Kansas City is dominating though.

Kansas City 11 4 .733
Boston 10 7 .588 2
Baltimore 8 7 .533 3
Texas 8 7 .533 3
Chicago 7 7 .500 3.5
Cleveland 7 10 .412 5
New York 6 9 .400 5
Minnesota 4 10 .286 6.5

It’s nice to have Baltimore and KC competeing again.  Even if it’s  fake.

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Tonight, in Racism: O’s Camera Guy

Alright, I’m sure he didn’t do it on purpose but still.  What’s the director of this broadcast doing while this is going on.

While discussing the Reimold/Pie battle for a spot this video played.

That’s not Pie.  It’s another dark skinned player.  And it’s not over yet.

Clearly, the director would have informed someone before the second offense, wouldn’t he?

For those of you playing along at home, that’s Xavier Avery.

Good site I found this picture on.  Support Hannah and show some love for the minors, please.

And it still ain’t over.  With Murray in the booth cue Thorne’s next bonehead comment:

The hall is just getting closer and closer huh Eddie?

D’oh!  Seriously how uncomfortable was that booth?  Thorne, foot in mouth.  Palmer, how can I spin this to talk about me.  Murray, are you serious?


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Sarasota Diaries, part 2

In attendance at yesterday’s Spring Training contest between the Orioles and Red Sox were Andy MacPhail, Dick Vitale, and most importantly Detective Tom Ludlow of the Eutaw Street Hooligans.

Yesterday’s game made me very happy. There were not as many Red Sox fans as I expected although they were well represented, and the O’s won. Yeah, it’s a meaningless game but it always feels good to get the best of those slimy bastards. The Red Sox did not play all of their regulars but number one on the ESH hit list was in the lineup, Dustin Pedroia. He appeared to be in mid season form, he had his cocky “ape swinging his arms” jog going and he still has not located his chin. He also still sucks horribly at not being a giant douchebag, as pictured here:

David Hernandez looked very good in his outing though he did pitch himself out of some jams in his last two innings. The Sox were also making some pretty good contact off of him that doesn’t show up in the box scores. Adam Jones made a couple of great catches in center, Nick Markakis saved a sure extra base hit in right, and Felix Pie also stopped a run with a great diving play in left. Still, it appears that Hernandez has found the strikeout pitch that he didn’t bring from the minors last year, and good slider. His breaking pitches appear to be much improved from what we saw last year in Baltimore and he now has swing and miss stuff that we never saw. Hernandez has always been a high strikeout pitcher in the minors and it is good to see it finally translating against major league hitters. He needs that if he is going to be a successful big league starter.

The big debate now is will he make the opening day rotation instead of Chris Tillman? An article from Dan Connolly in the Baltimore Sun suggests that the organization may be leaning towards Hernandez with Tillman being sent to AAA. This is slippery slope they are building if it is true. If we are going to put this much stock into spring training then why doesn’t it go for everyone across the board? There have been many fans grumbling about Trembley playing favorites and not treating everyone the same, this would be more evidence of that. If Tillman loses his job while not pitching terribly because Hernandez has been better, then why doesn’t Guthrie get squeezed out? In my eyes he hasn’t earned anything this year. He has been pretty bad in the majors for a year and a half and he can’t get anyone out this spring. If Guthrie hasn’t pitched his way out of the rotation then I don’t see how Tillman has. Tillman has already mowed down every level of the minors, he is going to learn how to get major league hitters out by facing major league hitters. We aren’t winning anything this year, he should be in the rotation.

The article also mentions that the Orioles cleanup hitter to begin the year will be Miguel Tejada. Man, I’d take credit for calling that if it wasn’t so predictable… and stupid. I will reiterate, Miguel Tejada has hit a combined 7 home runs outside of Houston’s ballpark in the last 2 seasons. You know Houston, where the fence is like 150 feet to left field. Hopefully we will be laughing at the days he was batting 4th by May at the latest. I’m fully expecting a line like .280/.320/.425 from him, and that is not a cleanup hitter. He is a 7th hitter in our lineup, batting him in the middle is nothing short of laughable. Miguel Tejada has not been a middle of the order hitter since 2006. Wake up, Dave Trembley. He also appears to be as fat as Ty Wigginton these days, though I credit Wiggy a little bit here because he appears to have shed the pounds that Miggi gained to catch up to him. Ty would totally still kick his ass in any eating contest though, I have no doubt about that.

On a positive note, Felix Pie still looks like the player we saw in the second half of last year. He played very solid defense in left and hit nothing but ropes during the game. He was robbed of a base hit when Douche Bigelow snagged a liner in his first at bat and Victor Martinez made a diving stop on a hard hit grounder down the right field line in his second. He then delivered an RBI single in his third plate appearance, and struck out looking at a pitch that he (and I) thought was ball 4 in his last. The umpire did not agree with us.

Another bright spot in the game was Garrett Atkins, who collected 3 hits and did not look like the scrub he has been recently. Granted, it is one game and I totally expect him to be an absolute flop but he did look good today. My fellow ginger Justin Turner also continued his fine spring with two more hits and 3 RBIs in the game. He would be my replacement for Brian Roberts if Roberts does not end up ready for the start of the season.

We made the trip up to Dunedin today to catch the O’s and Jays only to have the game rained out. There went a blog entry…. and 60 bucks. Brian Roberts was scheduled to play in that game, and we will have to see how the rotation shakes out following the rain out. I will be going to the minor league game tomorrow afternoon to see Matusz pitch before heading back to Maryland tomorrow evening. Until then stay classy, ESHers.

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Sarasota Diaries, part 1

I arrived in the Tampa International Airport on Thursday evening on AirTran flight 724. Shortly after retrieving my bag, which surprisingly wasn’t lost, I made my way to Avis to pick up my rental car. What transpired next was a terror I did not prepare for. The lady at Avis was alarmed when I brought in my reservation, I had reserved a mid size car and she believed they no longer had any available. After finding what appeared to be a manager, they were able to locate the “last remaining” mid size car on their lot. I was given the proper paperwork and instructed on where to go to get my keys. I made my way upstairs to the lot and received a strange looking key, obviously intended for use with a Toyota. When I arrived at my parking spot, a sheepish smile came upon my face. Of course I would get this as a rental car, of course…

A fucking Toyota Prius. What occurred next was the expected onslaught of stuck accelerator jokes and me feeling like the biggest douche ever. I then drove this Prius from the Tampa airport down to Sarasota, about an hour’s worth of solid driving and it was just as shitty as you would expect.

Friday was a night game so we had some time to kill during the day. There were two events that occurred that I feel need to be included in the blog. I will not describe the first as I think the picture will do it enough justice. You just don’t see this every day.

The Amish are everywhere down here, it was quite surprising. This next photo needs an introduction. As some of you may know, the ESH loves Denard Span. He is one of our favorite heckling targets for no reason that any of us are aware. The Orioles played the Twins last night and my seats were sandwiched between a large group of major league scouts and a large group of Denard Span’s family. This group appeared to be Span’s wife and their approximately 47 children. All of which were calling out to daddy when he came to the plate. One of these offspring had epic style that you just don’t see too often these days…

Yeah, that’s a rat tail.

Much respect to my lady companion Ashley for these photos, I’m not much for taking pictures.

On to the game, as you may have seen in the box score Chris Tillman started the game and struggled a bit. His stuff looked very good but he struggled locating and commanding any of his pitches, like he does sometimes. The good news is he still didn’t get rocked despite not bringing his “A” game. It is pretty much a foregone conclusion that he will start the year as the Orioles fifth starter. I’m not worried about him, guys with his stuff and minor league dominance at his age don’t come around often. He will figure things out and he will be very good assuming health.

A bright spot in last night’s game was Nolan Reimold. I listened to the ridiculous thoughts people were having regarding Reimold. I remember a poster on Orioles Hangout actually suggesting that he be put on the 60-day DL and not brought back until mid season because it was clear he was obviously not ready to play in the majors right now. This was after 18 spring at bats. Let me repeat that, 18 SPRING at bats. He had about 4 games worth of sporadic at bats and people were already saying he was cooked. If a guy goes 0-18 during the season, it’s a mild slump that barely gets recognized. Well since then he was been on a tear and he had two more hits last night including his first spring home run. I’m not much concerned about that however. What I wanted to see was how he was moving on the bases and in the outfield and he appeared to have very little remaining effects from his surgery. He was moving around quite well and did not appear tentative. He looked healthy, everyone can shut up now…though you had no reason to worry in the first place.

The biggest story of the game of course was Brian Roberts debut. What happened? Well, Brian looked exactly like a guy who had not seen live pitching in quite a while. He struck out 3 times and looked pretty bad doing it. He did however pull a ball just foul in his second at bat that missed being a home run by a few feet. He did this while batting left handed which had been the problematic side for his back, so I will take that as a decent sign.

Scott Baker absolutely dominated the Orioles lineup as most pitchers have been doing this spring. Plate discipline is a glaring weakness right now, but who knows what people are working on. You all can sweat over our poor spring if you want, it doesn’t mean a whole lot once the bell rings. I don’t put much stock into spring training in general, it’s silly to form your roster on the basis of performance over a small sample of games against inconsistent competition anyway. Everyone appears to be edging towards health and that’s all I want out of spring training, get to the regular season in shape, healthy, and ready to rock.

In conclusion, Amish people are funny, Denard Span has a whole mess of kids that are quite clearly awesome, and Sarasota is full of old people.

Part 2 coming tomorrow.

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Gross Line of the Day

Brandon Snyder on how he felt his major league camp was, just after being optioned to the minor league team:

“I feel like I’m really close and I feel like I left a good taste in their mouths. And if they need somebody, I’m on the top of their list and on the top of their mind as the guy who can come up and make a difference.”

I look forward to seeing, not tasting, more of Brandon Snyder in the near future.

Tom is en route to Florida as we speak.  I’m looking forward to an update from him and we’ll post what he gives us.

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This One’s For the Ladies

Roch passed on the news today about a few former players joining the broadcast booth this season for color analysis.

Former Orioles Eddie Murray, Brady Anderson, Mike Boddicker and Ben McDonald will join the MASN broadcast booth for select games this season. They’ll assist with the color commentary on a rotating basis.

I’m liking those names.  I’ve been ready for some fresh blood in the broadcast booth for some time now.

I do have one fear though:  With Brady and Jim in the same booth, all that sexy modeling experience may cause some friction between those two.  So before the season gets underway.  Let’s settle this, once and for all…

Oddly enough, I nabbed both of these pictures from the same blog.  I even read skimmed the whole article.  Pretty funny stuff.

Now for the The Undies Booth Brawl:

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Today’s Game Vs. the Cardinals

Just saw the line ups posted by Roch.

Felix Pie CF
Robert Andino SS
Lou Montanez RF
Nolan Reimold LF
Brandon Snyder 1B
Josh Bell 3B
Scott Moore DH
Chad Moeller C
Justin Turner 2B

Brian Matusz LHP
Here’s the Cardinals lineup:

Lugo 2B
Ryan SS
Pujols 1B
Holliday LF
Ludwick RF
Molina C
Freese 3B
Mather CF
Hill LHP

We’re not the ones that usually post line-ups and shit like this…plenty of O’s writers handle that niche…but I’m pretty excited about listening to this game.

Love Snyder, Bell, Reimold, and Pie being in the line up.  Especially facing Rich Hill.  We have a pretty solid understanding of what he’s about.  How do our young hitters fair?

Really intrigued by Matusz facing Pujols and Holliday.

Who do you think wins these match ups today?

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Fantasy Baseball Outlook

I’m going to take a minute and go through each team and give my initial reactions to their squad.

Gunner Stahl – Alex Charlie Conway, reader

After a decent amount of activity on the waiver board, like dropping Jim Johnson, he’s got a pretty respectable team.  Two Yankee’s.  Zero Red Sox.  Not too bad.  Decent profile pic too.


It’s Business Time – Johnny Eutaw

As Jjaks mentioned, clearly proof-positive that you need to use the do-not-draft list in Yahoo.  Drafted He who shall not be named, Mr. Range Jeter, and the Rat Posada, along with 2 other Yankees.  Brutal.  Zero Red Sox though, so that’s comforting.  Decent team but not one I think he’s proud of.  Incredible profile picture.


The Kekembas – Stacey, Camden Chat

Two Yankees, One Red Sox.  A little curious about Thome and Bradley but she looks to have a pretty decent team as well.  Would have a stacked outfield if she could have pulled off the O’s tri-fecta.  Shame.  Pooplebon too, is a bummer.  Crazy profile pic.


Wyld Stallyns – Ted Logan

Two big hitters with Howard and Hill but the rest looks a little light on offense.  Hamilton and Beltran, depending on which version of themselves shows up, could really sway this team for better or worse. Only one Yankee or Red Sox and it’s Randy Winn.  Not bad for someone who auto-drafted (if I recall correctly).


Wife Hates Baseball – Kevin S. Paul, Wife Hates Sports

Pretty sizeable gambles with Atkins and Tejada but the pitching looks to be the strong suit.  Halladay, King Felix, K-rod.  If Bergesen and Liriano come off their injuries well, he could have a formidable line up going.  Morneau, Manny, and Granderson will surely add some pop and flyers on Cust (love him) and Scott Sizemore could turn out to be strong moves. 1 of each of the bad guys.


Rhodes Less Traveled – Shane Falco

Drafts Jason Heyward…love the optimism.  Offense looks strong: Kung Fu Panda, McCutchen, Kemp, Berkman (loves the op field in Houston).  Above average picthing.  Zero Yankees or Red Sox. What an avatar!


Det. Tom Ludlow

Runner up to me in my only other fantasy baseball experience, Tom put up a pretty decent squad.  Only 1 of the bad guys, Clay Buchholz (no hitting son of a bitch).  He took one of the guys I was going after, Neftali Feliz.  Dude has a cannon-arm.  Above average offense and pitching.  Ladies, he looks exactly like his avatar, at all times.  Sitting at home, working out, work…it doesn’t matter.



None of the evil ones but guess where these guys are from?  Hint – they drafted 3 Nationals players and none of whom were Strasberg (that honor went to Tom Ludlow).  Not thrilled with their pitching with guys like Lily, Sheets (who knows how he’ll fair coming off injury), Randy Wolf.  Their effective National League hurlers (well not Sheets but he should have stayed there) but none are going to blow your doors off.  What can you expect from a bunch of hockey guys.  And their avatar sucks.  Not even posting it.


Real Pit Beef – Matt, Baltimore Sports Report.

3 Evil ones including CC and Youklis, two of the most hated…but he also scooped up the chosen one, Matt Wieters.  Concerned about Guthrie, and Juan Pierre (HA!), and Shane Victorino where’s a helmet with two ear guards.  Aside from Guts and Joba the Hut, the pitching looks really strong.  Hungry?


Ghost of Joe Kelley – Heath, Dempsey’s Army

Not sure how I feel about this team.  Three Red Sox, Johnny Damon, Denard Span, Placido Polanco?  Rough.  Slightly above average offense on the starting side.  Bench, not so sure.  Average pitching.


Big Kruk Hunter – Bob Arctor, guest contributor

McCann, Votto, Roberts (healthy, please god), and Longoria look to keep the offense afloat with Ortiz (horrible again, please god) and Francouer who’s terrified of getting on base.  Pitching looks pretty good.  Love the team name, trash talk (Now my wife thinks I’m less disgusting…), and avatar.  Mullet reminds me of Tom’s avatar.


Kevin Lomax

I think I did pretty well for myself.  One Yankee and it’s Swish.  Mauer, Butler, Rasmus lead the offense.  I think my breakthrough player will be Felix Pie though.  Solid pick in the 21st round.  Pitching looks good too.  Grienke, Hamels, Porcello, Lee, and a flyer on Tillman.  Stacey, how can you be mad at that face?  Besides, I offered a trade!


Furcal Matter – Ryan, friend of the ESH

Bright spots:  Kinsler on the offense.  Matusz on the pitching.  Problem areas:  No catcher.  Joe Nathan.  3 Red Sox including Lester and Dice-K.  Love the addition of Flat Breezy but he’s not going to do too much to help him in the stats area…nostalgia though, huge bonus.  Not sure what’s going on with the profile pic but hopefully he can fill in the blanks.


Arrietable Underwear – Jjaks Clayton

Another strong baseball mind, I expected a solid team from Jjaks.  Not too many wholes up and down that line up.  Offensivly he’s got his boy Mark Reynolds, Barmes, Beckham, Pena.  Pitching is anchored by Lincecum who’s a total dude-bro, Carpenter, and Josh Johnson.  All in all it’s an above average squad.  None of the evil ones.  Love the team name like he loves unicorns.


Splice Today – Russ Smith

Russ caught some flack for the Pedroia love but he put together a pretty good team, even though it’s chock full’o nuts.  5 total including the no-chin Pedroia, A-Rod, Becket, Lackey, and Pettitte (2 too many t’s by the way).  Vlad and Delmon Young should bring this team back to earth but he is up there in total amassed talent and total amassed dick heads.  Generic profile pic.  Not posting.


Big Ben’s Wingman – Scottie, Orioles Hangout

Rides a Harley but apparently has some brand loyalty to Suzuki.  Kurt and Ichiro both hanging out with Alfonso and Rafael Soriano and Mike and Chris Young.  Geez.  Utley and Rollins lead the offense and Bedard looks to come back from injury to contribute.  Only one evil one and it’s one of the most prolific closers of our generation, Mariano.  Saves aren’t a good measure of a pitcher but they count in fantasy baseball.  Disappointed with the generic avatar.  I know you’re busy but it takes 3 minutes, man.


So that’s the round up.  We lost Un-PeterAngelos, Anthony, and Andrew.  Drew F., we have a slot open now, dare to join?

Without seeing the full line up, who do you think has the best chance?  Let us know in the comments.

Wyld Stallyns


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Prediction season is upon us…

As players are getting into mid-spring training season form it is often time that the pundits and experts make their predictions as to how the season will shape up.  These predictions are based on nothing and serve to further over hype marginal free agent signings and over achievers from the years before.  I’m convinced there is no actual thought that goes into these things so to prove it I asked the rest of the Hooligans to come up with their own predictions and submit them to me.  Now, since everyone comes to us as the utmost authority on all things baseball I have decided to post these.  We all picked our own version of the AL East standings as well as division, league and World Series winners.  Also we picked MVP, Cy Young and Rookie of the Year winners for each league.  I put them into a sweet easy to read chart for you guys complete with a comments section at the bottom.  I suggest that you print this out and take it with you to Vegas, don’t forget to send us our share of the winnings though. (Eutaw Street Hooligans and their representatives, especially Jjaks Clayton, in every way condone gambling however disavow any type of  negative responsibility [financial, personal, or romantic] that these picks may cause you.)

Yes, I realize that is small and hard to read but if you click it then it will zoom in.  Get off my back.

As you can see, this is groundbreaking stuff.  We all took it very seriously and it is interesting to see that many of us came up with similar picks.  Probably because we all watched the same thing on MLB network.  We will see how things shape up and probably revisit these with revised lists mid season.  Very disappointed in the picks by Kevin Lomax though.  A little douche carpet baggery there.  He actually sent along one other item of interest.  Enjoy, and as always…Let’s Go O’s!

~ Jjaks Clayton

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Fantasy Draft Recap

If you are reading this, then you probably already know that earlier this week we had our first ever Eutaw Street Hooligans Fantasy Baseball Draft. If you aren’t reading this, then you were not one of the 16 participants in the draft because we pretty much had every reader of our site participate. It was a crazy night, and there is plenty to recap like why Pedroia sucks, Kevin Lomax becoming number one on Camden Chat’s shit list and the dangers of “Autodraft.”

Let’s start with a fantasy draft warning for everyone. For obvious reasons I made it clear as the draft was about to begin that anyone who attempted to draft “Him Who We Shall Not Speak Of” (or for those who don’t know what I am talking about, the first baseman for the New York Yankees) would be officially dead to me. Well as it turns out, Johnny Eutaw himself was unable to make our little draft and was therefore subject to the whims of Yahoo’s pre-ranking system. “And with the 8th pick in this years draft It’s Business Time selects first baseman M&%# F’ing T&%$@#!*. Let this be a warning to all fantasy participants, if you must autodraft, please put this man on your “do not draft” list or it could happen to you. As they should

Speaking of enemies. Our friend, Russ Smith, tried telling us that Dustin Pedroia in 2008 had a better season than ANY Oriole in the past 10 years! Wow, that’s a bold statement, especially since it is false. Not only has an Oriole in the last 10 years had a better season, but an Oriole of the same position has had a better season. Let’s take a look at a comparison of Dustin Pedroia’s 2008 season and Brian Roberts’ 2005 season. First Dustin Pedroia, in 2008 he had a batting average of .326 but only put up 50 walks in 726 plate appearances for an on base percentage of .376 and had 54 doubles to help him slug .493 to put up a respectable .869 OPS. He also grounded into 17 double plays and stole 20 bases. Apparently an MVP season. However, let’s now look at Brian Roberts in 2005. He had a batting average of .314 but put up 67 walks in 86 less plate appearances than Pedroia’s 2008 season giving Brian an on base percentage of .387 which is higher than that of Pedroia. Brian only hit 45 doubles in his 640 plate appearances but it still helped him put up a .515 slugging percentage and a .903 OPS. Roberts also stole 27 bases and only grounded into 6 double plays. So let’s review (math isn’t my best subject so bear with me)… If Player B got on base at a higher rate than Player A while also getting further along the base paths during that time as well as stealing more bases and making less double plays then how is Player A the superior player? Nevermind, I was never any good at word problems either.

I could recap the whole draft for you, but I won’t cause that is a lot of reading. I will offer analysis of some type for you so you aren’t in the dark. So without further adieu, here is my official analysis of Round 18 out of 23: It didn’t really stand out, other than for some reason Alex Charlie Conway drafted Jim Johnson. I think he was still upset because he had a spelling test the next day and I had been telling him all night I was going to “Gordon Bombay” his mother. This is also the round where Kevin Lomax became #1 onCamden Chat‘s Shit List. It’s better said in her own words, so hopefully Stacey doesn’t mind that I lifted this from their site:

Oh, and one more thing. Do y’all know the Eutaw Street Hooligans? Nice boys (or so I thought). They invited me to take part in their bloggers fantasy baseball league and the draft was last night. I’d been telling them from the get go that I’d be drafting Felix Pie. You know, sort of as my mascot. The last pick is always a throw away. Now, I thought we had a gentleman’s agreement over the whole thing (can you have a gentleman’s agreement if one of you is a lady?) and then, in I think the 21st round, that scoundral Kevin Lomax took Felix! Can you believe it? I’m not at liberty to tell you what I said when it happened due to this being the front page, but I’m sure you can all imagine. Because of this I declare Kevin Lomax to be Camden Chat Public Enemy #1.

Stacey, we’re not all bad. Just most of us.

Well that’s it, the recap of our fantasy draft. Until we can post official analysis of everyone’s team I will just leave you knowing that my team is by far the class of the league because I stuck to my solid game plan of not drafting anyone who plays in New York or Boston.

Until next time, Go O’s!

~ Jjaks Clayton


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Where are They Now: Sidney Ponson

In our last fat guy post (the one right before this one) we paid our respects to Fat Eddie.  Well wouldn’t you know it?  More fat guy news not even a week later.

Our favorite overweight, Aruban, bar brawler turned pitcher has landed with a new team, The Long Island Ducks.

We caught up with Sidney for a rewarding, yet brief, chat.

me:  So Sindy…

Sidney:  It’s Sidney.

me:  Isn’t that what I said?

Sidney:  No you said Sindy…like Cindy.

me:  What’s it supposed to be?

Sidney:  Sid-ney.

me:  Ok…Sid-ney, so how have you been?

Sidney:  Really good actually.  I’ve given up booze and soda.  It’s really helping to make that 22.5 million I got from Baltimore (Peter Angelos) last.  You’d be surprised how much alcohol costs.

me:  No I wouldn’t.

Sidney:  What?

me:  I wouldn’t be surprised how much alcohol costs.  I drank a lot during your stint with the O’s.  Not because I was depressed with how terrible you were as a pitcher, but because I was a home schooler high schooler  who looked up to you.  I thought, hey, if this guy can eat, punch, and drink his way to 22 million dollars, I sure as hell can.

Sidney: That’s unnecessary, man.

me:  Maybe, but I feel pretty good about it.

Seriously, if that picture is not proof positive that it doesn’t matter what you look like or how you act, as long as you have money, I don’t know what is.  Check in tomorrow for the highlights of the baseball draft and sometime this week we’ll post our predictions for the season because we have a free blog, an email address, and we fucking feel like it.


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Fast Eddie

In today’s biggest worldwide news, the Natinals have released relief pitcher Eddie Guardado.

I have already written and mailed 47 letters to the Orioles front office demanding that he be signed and brought to camp as soon as possible. Guardado is an incredible talent, and a beacon of physical fitness. He is the epitome of all that is man. Guardado has been a top notch closer and while he has taken a step back the last couple of seasons he is still absolutely lights out vs left handed hitters. For his career, lefties have put up a .228/.273/.372 line against Guardado, and he has handled them with a cool 4.27 strikeout to walk ratio. This dominance and his experience as a shut down closer automatically make him far better than any of our other LOOGY options. His “veteran” skills are off the charts, the O’s love that. Bring him to camp Andy Mac, you know you want to.





Just kidding , we have enough fat guys already. Though I’m pretty sure Eddie’s mother is the creator of one of my favorite things in the world. If they offered me free Cholula hot sauce for life I may change my stance.

Speaking of fat guys, did anyone see this video of 5th overall pick Matt Hobgood?

I knew the kid was supposed to be thicker but I did not expect Sidney Ponson’s fatter brother to show up. This is after they were talking up how hard he worked to get in BETTER shape for this year.  After some research, I decided he is in far better shape after seeing last year’s photo:

Tyler Matzek is looking better and better…

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A Few Notes From Yesterday

I’m going to totally ignore the game against Tampa Bay because I’m in a good mood and want to keep it that way.  You may or may not know Jjaks and I were on the radio yesterday with Drew over at WNST.  If you’ve looked at this site in the past 2 days, it’d be hard for you to not know that.

I want to clear a few things up from yesterday:

We referred to Robert Andino as Fred, Fred Flintsone, or Freddy.  Here’s why.

Asked on the spot what I thought our best heckling moment was, I froze and told a “had to be there” story.  We have better ones.  Don’t judge us on that.  Like the time we told a pregnant Twin’s fan that she had to name her unborn child Cal or she had to leave our section.

I said Miggy should bat second.  That was stupid.  He should bat lead-off.  We need his youthful speed up front if Roberts is going to be out.

Drew found us because we wrote about the Caps.  We just wrote about our buddies who write about the Caps.

Til, a caller, claimed the O’s would be 20 games out by June 15th.  Drew, please have us back on June 15th so we can rub it in Til’s face that they are only 14 games back.

We do accept checks if you readers would like to pay us to read the site.  Make them out to Cash, please.

In the comments section you may have noticed a reference to the suggested reading that WordPress generates at the bottom of an entry.  Here’s proof they are crazy.

And here is proof that Johnny Eutaw is crazy…crazy skilled, HEY-O!

ed. note – racism isn’t funny but the GayKK is.

The ESH Fantasy Draft is Monday.  I’ll post the highlights from that glorious event on Tuesday.  Stacey, has already declared she’s taking Felix Pie.  Hilarious.


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If you missed it, check it out here.

Tell us how much we sucked in the comments section.

Big thanks to Drew for having us on.


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Kevin and Jjaks on WNST Tomorrow

Don’t forget:

WNST 1570am at 8AM.

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Early Spring Thoughts

Reports out of Spring Training are glowing, but  honestly when are they not? I think every team is excited during this time of year, even the Orioles.

We are already in love with Brian Matusz, now scouts seeing him this spring are also gushing over him. Expectations for Matusz this year seem to be growing out of control on a national level. Some of you may not like this, but players like Wieters and Matusz getting all this hype from national media and analysts is a good thing. This means that the baseball world is starting to believe in the youth we are developing, it isn’t just us hyping up guys like Hayden Penn, Larry Bigbie, and Luis Matos anymore.

Chris Tillman is totally over the back spasms that everyone was freaking out over last week. He looked good in game action last night and says he is totally healthy, everyone exhale now.

The O’s are hitting bombs at an alarming rate so far this spring, with a lot of help from gusting winds. The O’s will have a decent offensive club this year, but lets not take anything from this power surge… or take much of anything from Spring Training at all. Seriously folks, it’s Spring Training. Everyone is excited that baseball season is here, but these games don’t mean anything, and neither do the results. Health is just about the only thing to pay attention to right now. I honestly see people getting all flustered about the lineups. Once the regular season starts, I don’t want to see Miguel Tejada batting cleanup (though that is probably likely) or Cesar Izturis batting second either, but it doesn’t matter right now. It’s Spring Training.

AI, help me out here.

The young pitching all seems to be healthy and throwing well, this will be the key to our 2010 season. Pay attention to that this spring. The only health concern we have now that I see potentially carrying over into the regular season is Brian Roberts herniated disc, he is certainly a big part of this team and that could be damaging but right now no one is treating it as if it is a big deal and I will believe them for a couple more weeks. In just 3 short weeks I will be in Sarasota myself and providing very amateur insight from the games I attend.

As usual, Roch Kubatko is doing a phenomenal job keeping the fans on the pulse of the team in Sarasota. Check out his blog here. Don’t read the comments on any of the posts though, the ignorance of the common fan will make your brain hurt.

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Real O’s and 77 O’s

The real O’s are off to a pretty solid spring campaign.  They have like 48 homers over the two game stretch.  The pitching looks pretty good and all around, for spring training, things are going well.

The 77 O’s are off to an equally good start.  Over at Funkyball we took 2 of 3 from the Boston Carpetbaggers.  Who led us to the win in the rubber game?  Non-other than the man himself.

at ORIOLES 3-8-1, RED SOX 2-6-1
As a certain Hooligan predicted here recently, Ross Grimsley=Domination.  Mr. Perm gives up a walk and single in the 1st, then gets the next 14 Bosoxers in a row.  Singleton’s two-run shot in the 1st holds up until the 8th, when Fisk knocks in a run with a grounder.  So a Singleton single, Murray double and DeCinces fly off Cleveland get the run back.  So Rice triples to lead off the 9th, Hobson gets him in with a deep fly, Yaz singles, Lynn and Dillard get on to load the bases against Tippy Martinez with two outs—and Burleson flies to center.  Dork.

Things are looking up.  You can go to the page and post some trash talk for us.  One can’t be witty all the time.  Sometimes we need breaks too.

Also, don’t forget, Jjaks and I invade WNST on Tuesday.

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ESH Hits the Airwaves


Drew Forrester has invited us to talk baseball on Tuesday, March 9th at 8AM. 1570 on the am band.

As of right now Jjaks and I will be there with Drew and whoever else he has invited.  It should be a good time.  The O’s will have a few preseason games under their belt by then so hopefully there are some good story lines.

Our friend Stacy from Camden Chat has taken part in two shows to date.  Quite the regular.  Check them out here.

Who else is real psyched up for the first preseason game?  Listen live on 105.7 tomorrow.  I know I’ll have it cranked up.  We won’t be on that show.


As I mentioned yesterday, Jjaks called into the Birds On The Wire podcast hosted by the guys at Baltimore Sports Report.  He came down pretty ill right before the show but you can’t even tell he was seconds away from ralphing.  Good for him.  How do you guys think he did?  Let us know in the comments.

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ESH Fantasy Baseball, Funkyball, and Podcast

A call to all of you was sent out about a week ago.  In that call, we asked for volunteers to get their asses kicked in Fantasy baseball.  That call has been answered.

Kevin S. Paul from Wife Hates Sports
Scott Hoffman from Orioles Hangout
Russ Smith from Splice Today
The UnPeterAngelos twitter account operator
Anthony from Oriole Post
Heath from Dempseys Army
Matt from Baltimore Sports Report
Stacey from Camden Chat
The entire Caps Lock crew (1 team)
Andrew aka Moose Milli on the OH
Our friends Bob Arctor
Ryan McCormick
and Alex “Charlie” Conway from Mighty Ducks

So there you have it folks.  Your list of losers.

Be sure to check in to see all the scores and trash talk as the season progresses.

Also, don’t forget to check out our domination of strato-matic baseball over at Funky Ball.  Jeff puts a shit-ton of effort into it and it’s pretty fun to relive the memories.  Well, for us, we weren’t alive then so it’s not really reliving them.  Anyway, the results of our first game:

at ORIOLES 1-4-1, RED SOX 0-4-0
In almost a mimeograph copy of the last one, Jim Palmer whiffs eight Bosox in the Memorial Stadium opener. Jenkins is equally brutal but DeCinces tags him for a 7th inning solo shot to decide the thing. Can’t believe my boys laid down for this underwear clown.

W-Palmer L-Jenkins HR-DeCinces

Man that feels good.

Jjaks is going to take part in the Baltimore Sports Report podcast tonight.  Not sure when it will go up but we’ll post it when it does.

Tomorrow I’ll have news about another appearance by the ESH.  Stay tuned.


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More From Luke

It wasn’t too long ago that we posted some off the field comments made by Luke Scott regarding is displeasure with DH’ing.

Want to turn a non-story into a big deal?  Let anyone and their mother write for a website and broadcast their opinions publicly.  Ok, don’t mind if I do.

Couple of reactions from the guys at ESH:

Jjaks – The Post’s sports section is a joke.  They have very little reporting on any facts of any kind and rest solely on opinion pieces by their writers, which they have a reputation of taking from another section of the paper and getting them to write sports regardless of their knowledge (see Tony Kornhieser).  They also employ sports people who are not in touch with the teams in the area in which they cover (see their 1 capitals beat writer who does not go on ANY road trips with the team and therefore relies on other peoples local media for all his information as well as Mike Wilbon living in Arizona while covering the Redskins and Wizards and even more so Sally Jenkins doing all her reporting and editorials on Washington sports from her looooong time home in New York)

Kevin – Luke has a permit.  Gilbert didn’t.  There’s your number one difference right there.  I say let them bring guns on the field.  Who cares?  You want viewership?  Get your center fielder doing ROTC drills between hitters or have your third basemen shoot skeet for extra runs during the seventh inning stretch.

Shane – Can you imagine if John Rocker carried a gun?

And that’s where I’ll leave this.  John Rocker.  Gun.  Racism.  Happy Monday.

Tip of the cap to Dempsey’s Army for spreading the word.  He’s got more to say on the topic.

The story originated from Jeff Zrebiec, the solid O’s reporter, over at the Sun.


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