Monthly Archives: March 2010

Fantasy Baseball Outlook

I’m going to take a minute and go through each team and give my initial reactions to their squad.

Gunner Stahl – Alex Charlie Conway, reader

After a decent amount of activity on the waiver board, like dropping Jim Johnson, he’s got a pretty respectable team.  Two Yankee’s.  Zero Red Sox.  Not too bad.  Decent profile pic too.

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It’s Business Time – Johnny Eutaw

As Jjaks mentioned, clearly proof-positive that you need to use the do-not-draft list in Yahoo.  Drafted He who shall not be named, Mr. Range Jeter, and the Rat Posada, along with 2 other Yankees.  Brutal.  Zero Red Sox though, so that’s comforting.  Decent team but not one I think he’s proud of.  Incredible profile picture.

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The Kekembas – Stacey, Camden Chat

Two Yankees, One Red Sox.  A little curious about Thome and Bradley but she looks to have a pretty decent team as well.  Would have a stacked outfield if she could have pulled off the O’s tri-fecta.  Shame.  Pooplebon too, is a bummer.  Crazy profile pic.

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Wyld Stallyns – Ted Logan

Two big hitters with Howard and Hill but the rest looks a little light on offense.  Hamilton and Beltran, depending on which version of themselves shows up, could really sway this team for better or worse. Only one Yankee or Red Sox and it’s Randy Winn.  Not bad for someone who auto-drafted (if I recall correctly).

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Wife Hates Baseball – Kevin S. Paul, Wife Hates Sports

Pretty sizeable gambles with Atkins and Tejada but the pitching looks to be the strong suit.  Halladay, King Felix, K-rod.  If Bergesen and Liriano come off their injuries well, he could have a formidable line up going.  Morneau, Manny, and Granderson will surely add some pop and flyers on Cust (love him) and Scott Sizemore could turn out to be strong moves. 1 of each of the bad guys.

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Rhodes Less Traveled – Shane Falco

Drafts Jason Heyward…love the optimism.  Offense looks strong: Kung Fu Panda, McCutchen, Kemp, Berkman (loves the op field in Houston).  Above average picthing.  Zero Yankees or Red Sox. What an avatar!

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Det. Tom Ludlow

Runner up to me in my only other fantasy baseball experience, Tom put up a pretty decent squad.  Only 1 of the bad guys, Clay Buchholz (no hitting son of a bitch).  He took one of the guys I was going after, Neftali Feliz.  Dude has a cannon-arm.  Above average offense and pitching.  Ladies, he looks exactly like his avatar, at all times.  Sitting at home, working out, work…it doesn’t matter.

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theCAPSlock

None of the evil ones but guess where these guys are from?  Hint – they drafted 3 Nationals players and none of whom were Strasberg (that honor went to Tom Ludlow).  Not thrilled with their pitching with guys like Lily, Sheets (who knows how he’ll fair coming off injury), Randy Wolf.  Their effective National League hurlers (well not Sheets but he should have stayed there) but none are going to blow your doors off.  What can you expect from a bunch of hockey guys.  And their avatar sucks.  Not even posting it.

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Real Pit Beef – Matt, Baltimore Sports Report.

3 Evil ones including CC and Youklis, two of the most hated…but he also scooped up the chosen one, Matt Wieters.  Concerned about Guthrie, and Juan Pierre (HA!), and Shane Victorino where’s a helmet with two ear guards.  Aside from Guts and Joba the Hut, the pitching looks really strong.  Hungry?

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Ghost of Joe Kelley – Heath, Dempsey’s Army

Not sure how I feel about this team.  Three Red Sox, Johnny Damon, Denard Span, Placido Polanco?  Rough.  Slightly above average offense on the starting side.  Bench, not so sure.  Average pitching.

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Big Kruk Hunter – Bob Arctor, guest contributor

McCann, Votto, Roberts (healthy, please god), and Longoria look to keep the offense afloat with Ortiz (horrible again, please god) and Francouer who’s terrified of getting on base.  Pitching looks pretty good.  Love the team name, trash talk (Now my wife thinks I’m less disgusting…), and avatar.  Mullet reminds me of Tom’s avatar.

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Kevin Lomax

I think I did pretty well for myself.  One Yankee and it’s Swish.  Mauer, Butler, Rasmus lead the offense.  I think my breakthrough player will be Felix Pie though.  Solid pick in the 21st round.  Pitching looks good too.  Grienke, Hamels, Porcello, Lee, and a flyer on Tillman.  Stacey, how can you be mad at that face?  Besides, I offered a trade!

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Furcal Matter – Ryan, friend of the ESH

Bright spots:  Kinsler on the offense.  Matusz on the pitching.  Problem areas:  No catcher.  Joe Nathan.  3 Red Sox including Lester and Dice-K.  Love the addition of Flat Breezy but he’s not going to do too much to help him in the stats area…nostalgia though, huge bonus.  Not sure what’s going on with the profile pic but hopefully he can fill in the blanks.

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Arrietable Underwear – Jjaks Clayton

Another strong baseball mind, I expected a solid team from Jjaks.  Not too many wholes up and down that line up.  Offensivly he’s got his boy Mark Reynolds, Barmes, Beckham, Pena.  Pitching is anchored by Lincecum who’s a total dude-bro, Carpenter, and Josh Johnson.  All in all it’s an above average squad.  None of the evil ones.  Love the team name like he loves unicorns.

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Splice Today – Russ Smith

Russ caught some flack for the Pedroia love but he put together a pretty good team, even though it’s chock full’o nuts.  5 total including the no-chin Pedroia, A-Rod, Becket, Lackey, and Pettitte (2 too many t’s by the way).  Vlad and Delmon Young should bring this team back to earth but he is up there in total amassed talent and total amassed dick heads.  Generic profile pic.  Not posting.

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Big Ben’s Wingman – Scottie, Orioles Hangout

Rides a Harley but apparently has some brand loyalty to Suzuki.  Kurt and Ichiro both hanging out with Alfonso and Rafael Soriano and Mike and Chris Young.  Geez.  Utley and Rollins lead the offense and Bedard looks to come back from injury to contribute.  Only one evil one and it’s one of the most prolific closers of our generation, Mariano.  Saves aren’t a good measure of a pitcher but they count in fantasy baseball.  Disappointed with the generic avatar.  I know you’re busy but it takes 3 minutes, man.

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So that’s the round up.  We lost Un-PeterAngelos, Anthony, and Andrew.  Drew F., we have a slot open now, dare to join?

Without seeing the full line up, who do you think has the best chance?  Let us know in the comments.

Wyld Stallyns
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Prediction season is upon us…

As players are getting into mid-spring training season form it is often time that the pundits and experts make their predictions as to how the season will shape up.  These predictions are based on nothing and serve to further over hype marginal free agent signings and over achievers from the years before.  I’m convinced there is no actual thought that goes into these things so to prove it I asked the rest of the Hooligans to come up with their own predictions and submit them to me.  Now, since everyone comes to us as the utmost authority on all things baseball I have decided to post these.  We all picked our own version of the AL East standings as well as division, league and World Series winners.  Also we picked MVP, Cy Young and Rookie of the Year winners for each league.  I put them into a sweet easy to read chart for you guys complete with a comments section at the bottom.  I suggest that you print this out and take it with you to Vegas, don’t forget to send us our share of the winnings though. (Eutaw Street Hooligans and their representatives, especially Jjaks Clayton, in every way condone gambling however disavow any type of  negative responsibility [financial, personal, or romantic] that these picks may cause you.)

Yes, I realize that is small and hard to read but if you click it then it will zoom in.  Get off my back.

As you can see, this is groundbreaking stuff.  We all took it very seriously and it is interesting to see that many of us came up with similar picks.  Probably because we all watched the same thing on MLB network.  We will see how things shape up and probably revisit these with revised lists mid season.  Very disappointed in the picks by Kevin Lomax though.  A little douche carpet baggery there.  He actually sent along one other item of interest.  Enjoy, and as always…Let’s Go O’s!

~ Jjaks Clayton

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Fantasy Draft Recap

If you are reading this, then you probably already know that earlier this week we had our first ever Eutaw Street Hooligans Fantasy Baseball Draft. If you aren’t reading this, then you were not one of the 16 participants in the draft because we pretty much had every reader of our site participate. It was a crazy night, and there is plenty to recap like why Pedroia sucks, Kevin Lomax becoming number one on Camden Chat’s shit list and the dangers of “Autodraft.”

Let’s start with a fantasy draft warning for everyone. For obvious reasons I made it clear as the draft was about to begin that anyone who attempted to draft “Him Who We Shall Not Speak Of” (or for those who don’t know what I am talking about, the first baseman for the New York Yankees) would be officially dead to me. Well as it turns out, Johnny Eutaw himself was unable to make our little draft and was therefore subject to the whims of Yahoo’s pre-ranking system. “And with the 8th pick in this years draft It’s Business Time selects first baseman M&%# F’ing T&%$@#!*. Let this be a warning to all fantasy participants, if you must autodraft, please put this man on your “do not draft” list or it could happen to you. As they should

Speaking of enemies. Our friend, Russ Smith, tried telling us that Dustin Pedroia in 2008 had a better season than ANY Oriole in the past 10 years! Wow, that’s a bold statement, especially since it is false. Not only has an Oriole in the last 10 years had a better season, but an Oriole of the same position has had a better season. Let’s take a look at a comparison of Dustin Pedroia’s 2008 season and Brian Roberts’ 2005 season. First Dustin Pedroia, in 2008 he had a batting average of .326 but only put up 50 walks in 726 plate appearances for an on base percentage of .376 and had 54 doubles to help him slug .493 to put up a respectable .869 OPS. He also grounded into 17 double plays and stole 20 bases. Apparently an MVP season. However, let’s now look at Brian Roberts in 2005. He had a batting average of .314 but put up 67 walks in 86 less plate appearances than Pedroia’s 2008 season giving Brian an on base percentage of .387 which is higher than that of Pedroia. Brian only hit 45 doubles in his 640 plate appearances but it still helped him put up a .515 slugging percentage and a .903 OPS. Roberts also stole 27 bases and only grounded into 6 double plays. So let’s review (math isn’t my best subject so bear with me)… If Player B got on base at a higher rate than Player A while also getting further along the base paths during that time as well as stealing more bases and making less double plays then how is Player A the superior player? Nevermind, I was never any good at word problems either.

I could recap the whole draft for you, but I won’t cause that is a lot of reading. I will offer analysis of some type for you so you aren’t in the dark. So without further adieu, here is my official analysis of Round 18 out of 23: It didn’t really stand out, other than for some reason Alex Charlie Conway drafted Jim Johnson. I think he was still upset because he had a spelling test the next day and I had been telling him all night I was going to “Gordon Bombay” his mother. This is also the round where Kevin Lomax became #1 onCamden Chat‘s Shit List. It’s better said in her own words, so hopefully Stacey doesn’t mind that I lifted this from their site:

Oh, and one more thing. Do y’all know the Eutaw Street Hooligans? Nice boys (or so I thought). They invited me to take part in their bloggers fantasy baseball league and the draft was last night. I’d been telling them from the get go that I’d be drafting Felix Pie. You know, sort of as my mascot. The last pick is always a throw away. Now, I thought we had a gentleman’s agreement over the whole thing (can you have a gentleman’s agreement if one of you is a lady?) and then, in I think the 21st round, that scoundral Kevin Lomax took Felix! Can you believe it? I’m not at liberty to tell you what I said when it happened due to this being the front page, but I’m sure you can all imagine. Because of this I declare Kevin Lomax to be Camden Chat Public Enemy #1.

Stacey, we’re not all bad. Just most of us.

Well that’s it, the recap of our fantasy draft. Until we can post official analysis of everyone’s team I will just leave you knowing that my team is by far the class of the league because I stuck to my solid game plan of not drafting anyone who plays in New York or Boston.

Until next time, Go O’s!

~ Jjaks Clayton

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Where are They Now: Sidney Ponson

In our last fat guy post (the one right before this one) we paid our respects to Fat Eddie.  Well wouldn’t you know it?  More fat guy news not even a week later.

Our favorite overweight, Aruban, bar brawler turned pitcher has landed with a new team, The Long Island Ducks.

We caught up with Sidney for a rewarding, yet brief, chat.

me:  So Sindy…

Sidney:  It’s Sidney.

me:  Isn’t that what I said?

Sidney:  No you said Sindy…like Cindy.

me:  What’s it supposed to be?

Sidney:  Sid-ney.

me:  Ok…Sid-ney, so how have you been?

Sidney:  Really good actually.  I’ve given up booze and soda.  It’s really helping to make that 22.5 million I got from Baltimore (Peter Angelos) last.  You’d be surprised how much alcohol costs.

me:  No I wouldn’t.

Sidney:  What?

me:  I wouldn’t be surprised how much alcohol costs.  I drank a lot during your stint with the O’s.  Not because I was depressed with how terrible you were as a pitcher, but because I was a home schooler high schooler  who looked up to you.  I thought, hey, if this guy can eat, punch, and drink his way to 22 million dollars, I sure as hell can.

Sidney: That’s unnecessary, man.

me:  Maybe, but I feel pretty good about it.

Seriously, if that picture is not proof positive that it doesn’t matter what you look like or how you act, as long as you have money, I don’t know what is.  Check in tomorrow for the highlights of the baseball draft and sometime this week we’ll post our predictions for the season because we have a free blog, an email address, and we fucking feel like it.

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Fast Eddie

In today’s biggest worldwide news, the Natinals have released relief pitcher Eddie Guardado.

I have already written and mailed 47 letters to the Orioles front office demanding that he be signed and brought to camp as soon as possible. Guardado is an incredible talent, and a beacon of physical fitness. He is the epitome of all that is man. Guardado has been a top notch closer and while he has taken a step back the last couple of seasons he is still absolutely lights out vs left handed hitters. For his career, lefties have put up a .228/.273/.372 line against Guardado, and he has handled them with a cool 4.27 strikeout to walk ratio. This dominance and his experience as a shut down closer automatically make him far better than any of our other LOOGY options. His “veteran” skills are off the charts, the O’s love that. Bring him to camp Andy Mac, you know you want to.

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Just kidding , we have enough fat guys already. Though I’m pretty sure Eddie’s mother is the creator of one of my favorite things in the world. If they offered me free Cholula hot sauce for life I may change my stance.

Speaking of fat guys, did anyone see this video of 5th overall pick Matt Hobgood?

I knew the kid was supposed to be thicker but I did not expect Sidney Ponson’s fatter brother to show up. This is after they were talking up how hard he worked to get in BETTER shape for this year.  After some research, I decided he is in far better shape after seeing last year’s photo:

Tyler Matzek is looking better and better…

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A Few Notes From Yesterday

I’m going to totally ignore the game against Tampa Bay because I’m in a good mood and want to keep it that way.  You may or may not know Jjaks and I were on the radio yesterday with Drew over at WNST.  If you’ve looked at this site in the past 2 days, it’d be hard for you to not know that.

I want to clear a few things up from yesterday:

We referred to Robert Andino as Fred, Fred Flintsone, or Freddy.  Here’s why.

Asked on the spot what I thought our best heckling moment was, I froze and told a “had to be there” story.  We have better ones.  Don’t judge us on that.  Like the time we told a pregnant Twin’s fan that she had to name her unborn child Cal or she had to leave our section.

I said Miggy should bat second.  That was stupid.  He should bat lead-off.  We need his youthful speed up front if Roberts is going to be out.

Drew found us because we wrote about the Caps.  We just wrote about our buddies who write about the Caps.

Til, a caller, claimed the O’s would be 20 games out by June 15th.  Drew, please have us back on June 15th so we can rub it in Til’s face that they are only 14 games back.

We do accept checks if you readers would like to pay us to read the site.  Make them out to Cash, please.

In the comments section you may have noticed a reference to the suggested reading that WordPress generates at the bottom of an entry.  Here’s proof they are crazy.

And here is proof that Johnny Eutaw is crazy…crazy skilled, HEY-O!

ed. note – racism isn’t funny but the GayKK is.

The ESH Fantasy Draft is Monday.  I’ll post the highlights from that glorious event on Tuesday.  Stacey, has already declared she’s taking Felix Pie.  Hilarious.

Bonus.

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WNST

If you missed it, check it out here.

Tell us how much we sucked in the comments section.

Big thanks to Drew for having us on.

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