Monthly Archives: April 2010

A very proud moment

In Orioles fan news, one of our own did something that should make all of us very proud. I only hope he is one of the 4 people that read this blog.

He threw Jorge Posada’s homer from last night’s game all the way back into the infield. My colleagues and I have always joked about trying to hit the umpire or infielders with the ball if we ever were lucky enough to catch one, but it hasn’t happened. This dude lived our fantasy and even got a spotlight on’s video archive for it. Check it out here.

Well done sir, you have our respect.


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Gregg Zaun = Rube Baker?

This was so hilarious it has to be posted.

Who isn’t a huge fan of the Major League movies? If you are not, get the fuck off of this blog. Hopefully, you are all still here because this is awesome. Gregg Zaun apparently had some real trouble throwing the ball back to the pitcher last night, you may recall the legendary catcher Rube Baker having the same issue in the classic Major League 2.  Watch and laugh.

Perhaps Zauny should start reciting dirty magazine articles  to get himself straightened out. (Pun intended)


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Down on the Farm….Tuesday?

The O’s won their last game, if you haven’t been paying attention. The players and Trembley both tried their best to blow it, though. You can check me out on Twitter if you want to know my feelings about Lugo’s ill-advised bunt attempt and Trembley’s decision to leave Jim Johnson in for a third inning. Both were clearly bad calls and backfired as expected. On to more interesting topics…

Alfredo Simon has been called up from Norfolk to provide some help in our struggling bullpen, a corresponding move has not yet been announced but I have a hunch Kam Mickolio has already packed his shit. Simon has been dominant so far in AAA and is in his first year back from the famous Tommy John surgery. He struggles as a starter due to lack of fastball command and no consistent secondary offerings but for one inning it may not matter much. He flashes a mid to upper-90’s heater and has a second pitch and as a reliever you can get by with that. It will at least be interesting to see.

Jake Arrieta has been absolutely dominant so far in Norfolk, posting a 0.36 ERA in 4 starts spanning 25 innings. He has a 0.93 WHIP, 23 strikeouts, and a very good groundball to flyball ratio. Walks have still been a minor issue as he has allowed 10 free passes. In typical Jake Arrieta fashion, he has declared himself ready for his shot. I, for one, am excited to see him. Anyone who knows me knows that I rather enjoy a player who is kind of a cocky asshole. I hope that Arrieta is one and that it will be hilarious. We may have to wait a little while, though. Arrieta would have to be added to the 40 man roster which means someone would have to be removed and the conservative MacPhail will be unlikely to do that just yet. I look for Brad Bergesen to come back up to make a start on May 1. Bergesen was solid in his first Norfolk start and it makes the most sense for him to come right back up. He thinks he has straightened out his issues and is ready to come back already. I remain skeptical of him, as always.

As most of you probably know, our “future corner infielder” tandem of Brandon Snyder and Josh Bell have been struggling so far at Norfolk. Brandon Snyder continues to suck but Bell has been heating up. Bell went 3-4 yesterday with 2 homers and has hit 3 homer in the last two games. He needs to control the strike zone better as he has only 1 walk to 20 strikeouts but he has always had solid plate discipline so I’m sure it will come. I have always been unsure about Snyder, but he is not this bad. I expect he will come out of it and hit for a solid average but with middling power and less than stellar plate discipline. Another corner infielder to keep an eye on however is Brandon Waring at Bowie. Waring has big time power and has already hit 5 homers at Bowie. He strikes out a bunch but has a decent idea of the strike zone to go with it. He will never hit for great averages but if he walks enough and hits for power it won’t matter much.

Chris Tillman’s last Norfolk start was more encouraging than the others and our second most prized prospect, Zach Britton, has been inconsistent so far at Norfolk. Both are obviously worth keeping an eye on.

Matt Hobgood has had a solid start or two which has been good to see, but I still hate the pick.

He is also fat, which may actually work in his favor if he makes it to the big leagues. You know how we feel about fat guys…


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Douchebags…in Bulk

Recently, I had new tires put on my vehicle at good ol’ Price Club (or Costco, for the noobs).  Everything went smoothly as I grabbed every free sample in sight while waiting for my ride to be ready.  But, things quickly took a turn for the worse.  Costco didn’t have yoo-hoo! Outraged, I left.  Luckily, at this point, my car was ready and a guy who, for the sake of this story, we will call JD (because that was his real name) was finishing up some paperwork.  And then, assuming he saw the Orioles stickers on my car, he proceeded to write this horseshit on my cute little packet thingy.

What the fuck?!  The room started spinning…

Apparently, it wasn’t long before I woke on the cold, cement floor of the Tire Center.  Either my blood sugar was low or I was trampled by the retarded bandwagon JD was piloting.  Upon remembering it was the latter, I crashed my car into the Tire Center and lit it on fire.

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Jorge Julio Reference in 5, 4, 3…

So our good buddy used to work at OPACY for the company who handles the signs all over the field, including the one right behind home plate that gets destroyed on foul ticks and wild pitches.  Every so often he’d end up with the grounds crew during the game, underneath the out of town scoreboard.  And that glorious year, when we watched the Jorge Julio Shit-Show every night, said pitcher would routinely walk through the grounds crew holding area to the bathroom, at which point, he’d sack tap any of the unsuspecting kids not covering their prized possession.  That story alone made me love him, blown saves and all.

Unfortunately, I know nothing about Mike “The Save Siduation” other than he GTL like nobody’s business, so I hate him.

Anyway, after I spent a few minutes checking out the happenings over at OH (and by happenings I mean panic, crazy talk, and total fucking stupidity) I remembered about the dude who is walking to work every time the O’s lose.

I read a few of his entries.  They’re pretty funny.  If you get bored and want something to read that is funny and devoid of stupidity, check it out.  Plus he mentions Jorge in one of them, so that’s a bonus.

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We’re a bunch of cool guys!

In some recent, exciting news, we were (we think) anonymously complimented in our “Merch” section yesterday by someone using the name Jim Palmer.

“What a bunch of cool guys you are! Fags.”

Now, we don’t think it was Jim himself because his comment made no mention of Jim Palmer as much of his commentary does.  So, either this guy has the same name as an Oriole great, which would be awesome, or he is a coward and hiding behind a fake name. Who would do that? But, let’s take a closer look at his actual comment and break it down a bit to get into the mind of this upstanding citizen.

“What a bunch of cool guys you are!”

Guilty as charged, my man. Guilty as charged.  And, I love the excitement!  It’s not often that we get such glaring comments from anyone but our mothers, so it was refreshing and made my heart beat a little faster.  I got to the end of that exclamatory sentence and was feeling great about myself.  But, wait!  There is more to come?  I can’t wait to read what is next as the lovefest continues.


Oh no!  Why did you have to go there?  It makes me think that you really didn’t mean the first part of your comment.  Please tell me that isn’t true.  My self esteem can’t take it.  I don’t know what to think anymore.  I thought you were a super-intelligent, awesome bro that loved to read our blog.  Now, I think you’re an idiot.  You must be, if you don’t like us. (Right, Mom?)  But, then you threw in the last word there, which also makes me think that you think gay people are really awesome too, or you are just an idiot again.

I don’t know who you are, but I am sure we could have been great friends.  Here is my list of suspects:

Jim Palmer. There is nothing that man can say that will make me dislike him.

Shane Falco. He truly is the wild card, like Charlie.

Roch Kubatko. His initial threat before crushing us all in his biceps.

Jealous Internet Troll. Your typical, no sense of humor, inflated sense of self-worth troll.


As you can see, we don’t take ourselves too seriously and neither should you.

See you at the yard.

~Jjaks Clayton


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Want a Fresh Perspective on O’s Baseball?

Don’t look on Splice Today.  Russ has this habit of sending me articles they post about the O’s to either A) stir me up or B) generate some traffic to his site.  Could be both but we don’t get enough traffic to make me think B is very plausible.  He’s certainly not afraid of bad publicity as my first encounter with him was less than positive.

So he sends me this gem, by someone other than himself.  Now, lately, I’ve been letting all the O’s bashing slide, as I don’t have much ground to stand on when defending them.  But, to placate Russ and give me something to do where I can say the F-word at someone on the internet (It makes me feel more like a man) I’ll knock the shit out of this one.  So without further ado, I present to you:

Orioles 2010: The good thing is it can’t get much worse

A disappointing start to yet another disappointing season.

Well, that was quick. What a start to the 2010 season for your Baltimore Orioles.

Why do you say your Baltimore Orioles?  Are you not an O’s fan?  Let me guess, Red Sox?  Wouldn’t surprise me a bit.

A 2-12 record, with that second win on Sunday stopping a nine game losing streak. In roughly a week the optimism emanating from Camden Yards was gone. The pitiful play, atrocious record, and what appears to be an indifferent attitude by some players has many fans in Baltimore looking towards Ravens season.

Show me an indifferent attitude or any evidence of it (Lugo doesn’t count, he isn’t actually on the team).  I usually laugh when people suggest shit like this.  It’s a lot like the ever-present theory of the “culture of losing”.  Show me a quote where someone said, “We lost, but who gives a fuck, I’m a millionaire.”

Sane Orioles fans were not predicting a playoff spot, following the 64-98 records last year, and only minor improvements through free agency and trades.

Correct.  Not that sanity has anything to do with it though.  Logic plays a big part.  Common sense, too.

This is still an organization that has not had a winning season since 1997, with handfuls of fourth and fifth place finishes. Adding to the arduous process of building a contender is that in my opinion the three best teams in the American League play in the Orioles’ division, including the World Series champions.

Two sentences that do not back up your main point.  Never mind they don’t add much to your thesis, they are two of the most played out comments when “outsiders” talk about Orioles baseball.  No fucking shit.  We are getting dominated in our division.  Go tell someone in Europe…there’s an audience that this might be breaking news to.

And for the record, Tampa Bay has been good for a few years.  They’re far from the perennial powerhouse that everyone claims they are.  Maybe they will be, but they aren’t yet, so gently remove their fist from your ass, it’s fucking up your thought process.

However, most fans were excited about the core of young players, and were ready to take modest steps towards improvement.

It feels like August in Baltimore because the team resembles one that is finishing another losing season. Usually the Orioles play tolerably in the beginning, hang around 5-10 games beneath .500, and flame out in the final two months. An April nine-game losing skid seems misplaced.

Maybe injuries to Koji, Mike “The Save Siduation”, Brian, Felix (one of our hottest hitters), Tejada, and what seems to be damage to Bergesen’s psyche after the ball to the shin or shoulder injury and subsequent shellings have something to do with hit.  Just a thought.

In each of the past five seasons the Orioles longest losing streaks have been in August or September:

—September, 2005: 9 game losing streak

—August, 2006: 5 game losing streak

—August, 2007: 9 game losing streak

—September, 2008: 10 game losing streak

—September, 2009: 13 game losing streak

Watching during the pathetic 0-6 homestand, the team already looked lifeless.

Again, prove it.

When you play well enough to win only to have your new closer blow two saves in the first four games, it must have an impact. Instead of 3-1 the O’s were 1-3.

Yup, that sucks.  But it’s early enough that these guys, professionals, would not let that bother them much.

Manager Dave Trembley deserves some of the blame. He has mismanaged the bullpen—in an 8-6 loss to Tampa Bay he pitched Matt Albers for the third consecutive game. Albers took the loss after Carlos Pena demolished a pitch into the stands for a home run. I’m unsure if he even knows how to fill out a lineup card. Miguel Tejada should not be hitting clean up at this point in his career.

Agreed on some points.  Agree he can’t fill out a line up card.  Tejada at clean up is a joke.  Bullpen management is usually not on par but very few of those games were lost because of either of those things.  The team simply didn’t hit.  Quality starts from everyone but Brad were wasted by the bull pen and the lack of hitting.

My biggest complaint about Trembley might be the goofy, perplexed look on his face. That stare that shows all Orioles fans he is out of ideas, and in over his head.

After a solid couple of points you go and throw away all your hard earned street cred with that.  Seriously?  That’s how I know you’re not an O’s fan.  Your biggest complaint is that Trembley looks like a puppy dog, when real O’s fans know, that that’s what makes him so damn lovable.  A real O’s fan’s biggest complaint would have been the shit you lead with.  Instead, you show your incompetence at either humor,  general sports knowledge, or both.

For those of you who still have some optimism, the good thing is it can’t get much worse. The blown saves will decrease, the 0-4 bullpen should pitch better, the Orioles will get on base more, and the horrendous RISP average will rise. Before Sunday’s game it was .153. That just sucks. I think the team may need internal changes in order to spark this team. Luckily it is still very early and goals can still be reached this year. If some of the young players can fulfill their potential and show leadership they should give Orioles fans something to cheer about this year. Maybe.

Hey, the smart you rejoined us for that last paragraph.  Finally some common sense.  The law of averages guarantees these predictions, though if we get hit with more injuries, it could get worse.  A lot worse.  But I’ll still be there with 5 of my best friends, heckling the shit out of carpet baggers like you.



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