Monthly Archives: May 2010


I’m sad that the Orioles are playing worse than the Indians and Royals.

I’m sad that, despite his awesomeness and the love we have for him, Ty Wigginton is going to be our All-Star.

I’m sad that guys like Jones, Reimold, and Tillman didn’t take steps forward.

I’m sad that Wieters hasn’t brought about the home-runpocolypse that was foretold by our ancestors.

I’m happy that the Red Sox spent 1.4 trillion dollars and are a game under .500 and that Beltre took less money to play with a contender.

I’m happy that OPACY is virtually empty.  Everyone watching at home will definitely hear us heckle.

I’m happy that things can’t get much worse, and soon we’re going to start making changes…hopefully.

I’m happy that Garrett Fatkins’ days are numbered.

So, reader, what are you sad/happy about?


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Fantasy and Funkyball Update

We’re down to third in Funkyball.  1.5 games out of first place.  Putting up a good fight (unlike our current team) with a lot of injuries.

American League through Saturday, May 24

Kansas City 23 15 .605
Boston 23 15 .605
Baltimore 22 17 .579 1.5
Texas 21 19 .525 3
New York 17 20 .459 5.5
Chicago 16 20 .444 6
Cleveland 16 23 .410 7.5
Minnesota 14 23 .378

I’m getting absolutely demolished in the ESH fantasy league.  Even the hockey team is beating me.  Tom is putting up some good numbers.  Props to Alex Conway.  One of the most made fun of guys in the draft (besides Splice) shoving it in our faces.

1. Gunnar Stahl
2. Det. Tom Ludlow
3. Ghost of Joe Kelley
4. I am an Idiot.
5. Arrietable Underwear
6. Real Pit Beef
7. theCAPSlock
8. The Kekambas
9. Just Doumit
10. Big Kruk Hunter
11. Splice Today
12. Wife Hates Baseball
12. Big Ben’s Wingmen
14. It’s Business Time
15. Kevin Lomax
16. Wyld Stallyns



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Game On, Indians

A few of us idiots will be at the game tonight.  Tom and myself will try and tweet our locations and actions so keep an eye out.  Jjaks, I’m sure, will be making fun of us wherever he’s tweeting from.

If you’re at the game.  Come find us.  It shouldn’t be hard.  We’ll be one of the 120 people dumb enough to go watch the Indians, who “just stink” and the O’s who are worse.

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Absolutely Brutal

Man, this team is unwatchable right now. Seriously who actually thought we would be this bad offensively. I predicted a slightly above average offense and so did most of the major projection systems. Sooo many of our players are under performing it would be comical, if it wasn’t so sad.

As I said before, the offense has been bad…. and I mean really bad. What is really amazing is that we are only the second worst offense in the AL right now. The Seattle Mariners have been worse, though they were expected to be a very bad run scoring team. We really weren’t. Sure, the offense misses Brian Roberts but I think his impact is being overblown by a lot of people. If Roberts were healthy and performing, we would have seen a lot less of Ty Wigginton, who has been our best run producer so far this year. He has also played respectable defense at second base, which is really all that Roberts does at this point in his career. Would we be better off with say Roberts at second and Wiggy at first? Absolutely, but who knows how it would have played out without Roberts injuries forcing Wigginton into the lineup everyday. Nick Markakis has been solid along with Wigginton, and Miguel Tejada has been respectable, even though the amount of pitches he sees, isn’t. Luke Scott and Nolan Reimold have greatly underperformed their ability. Garrett Atkins has been the Garrett Atkins nearly everyone but Andy MacPhail expected. Adam Jones has been horrendous in all facets of the game. Cesar Izturis, already an embarrassingly bad hitter has been bad even by his standards and the defense I have seen does not begin to make up for it. I’m again bringing back my claim that Robert Andino should be bought up and be playing over him, he isn’t good either but he is much more entertaining and there is some upside that he could approach being an average shortstop. I don’t believe either Lugo or Izturis have that upside. Matt Wieters has mostly put up an empty batting average and while he has certainly been respectable when you compare his numbers to other catchers, you can’t help but be disappointed in him so far. He has not shown anything yet that resembles what he is supposed to be as one of the best minor league prospects of the last 20 years.

The entire team’s approach at the plate has been horrible. Far too many players are not seeing any pitches, they are not working the count, and are getting themselves out swinging at anything and everything the pitcher throws at them. What’s even better? Trembley insists on batting the least disciplined hitters at the top of the lineup. It’s a brilliant strategy to have the guys that make the most outs at the top of the order, and it’s working out tremendously. Seriously, the O’s are last in the league in on base percentage, the statistic that correlates most closely with scoring runs….we are last. Is it any wonder why we are not scoring runs? Poor plate discipline has been a staple of the Orioles hitters throughout this twelve year drought.  Isn’t it time some heat is placed on Terry Crowley? At some point, you have to wonder where the swing at everything mentality is coming from. Maybe the Orioles have just drafted and acquired a bunch of guys who can’t tell balls from strikes, or maybe it is being taught to them to be this aggressive. I think it is about time we find out which it is, with all the coaching changes this team constantly goes through, Crowley has always stayed… maybe it is time we move away from him too.

At this point, if everything stays as is and we keep playing this way I propose a total youth movement. Bring up Bell, Arrieta, and Tillman. Move Bergesen and Hernandez to the bullpen. Shop Guthrie, Wigginton, Tejada, and Millwood. We need more young talent and more positional depth, lets’ get it.

In other news, Andy MacPhail will be releasing a web video to the fans today at some point on, and Corey Patterson is expected to be called up for round 2 to replace either Nolan Reimold or Lou Montanez on the roster. I hope for sanity’s sake it is Montanez who has no place on the team right now, which is why I totally expect it to be Reimold. I’ll be waiting with baited breath for both…

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MASN needs more of this…

Cleveland sportscaster Bruce Drennan lost his shit on the air a few days ago when lamenting the Cleveland Indians 5-4 loss to Toronto on Wedesnday. The Indians have been struggling mightily as expected and had just finished blowing a two run lead in the 9th inning. Enjoy.

I personally would love to see this kind of honesty on MASN but obviously a Orioles owned sports network would not tolerate this and this guy would have been fired halfway through his rant. Someone visible definitely needs to make fun of these guys a little bit.


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I Can’t Believe It

In the most shocking news of the season, Nick Johnson has landed on the disabled list.

The shocking part? He made it through an entire month plus.


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HEADLINE: Broom Shortage In Area Hardware Stores, Virginia Mourns

Hey, in case you stopped paying attention to baseball after the NFL Draft, the O’s just swept the Virgina Red Sox making for a miserable time for all the fans that made the drive up from Richmond to see a few games at the Yard.

They did this in spite of Brad Bergesen’s insistence that he give up at least 4 runs every start this year and not work any more than 5 innings on a given day.  You’ll remember that they recently sent him to Norfolk to try to fix what had been causing him trouble since they most likely would have skipped his spot in the rotation anyway.  Well, it must have worked because (by the numbers) he had his best start of the season with a full 5 innings pitched.  And it that time he only gave up 4 runs, 7 hits, 2 HR, and struck out 2 while walking none.  Just a hunch, he may be spending a bit more time vacationing in Norfolk and trying to find that “sink” again.

In other news, Detective Tom Ludlow is holding down first place currently in the ESH Fantasy Baseball League while I, Jjaks Clayton, currently sit 5th, with Johnny Eutaw right behind me in 6th (what a view he must have *wink*.)  Also, the 1977 Orioles managed by myself and Ludlow are currently 1/2 a game back of the Royals in Funkyball.  Follow the link and talk some trash.  Spread the Hooligan word throughout the past and let them know that Orioles hooliganism is a force to be dealt with.

Also, and especially since the O’s start a series with the Yankmes tonight, follow us on twitter for some more trash talk and in game commentary.  You can follow Kevin Lomax @eutawhooligans , Detective Tom Ludlow @ESHTomLudlow , and myself @ ESHJjaksClayton .  Be sure to tune in tonight (to us and the game) for some entertainment.

~ Jjaks Clayton

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