Ramblings of a half-functional Turdland patient

A lot of stuff has happened recently. Manny Ramirez retired (LOL), the Orioles got pounded with absolutely no lubrication by the Rangers in their last two games, and I saw comedian Bill Burr in Towson and even he talked about the Orioles.

Regarding Manny, I know I have said several times that I would have preferred signing him to Vlad considering the cost and likely performance. Many people have since asked me how I feel now and expected me to retract that statement and devour a plate of crow. I surprised more than one person when I refused to do so. I still would rather that we signed Manny for 3 million dollars even knowing he wouldn’t do anything and retire, than signing Vlad for 8 million dollars. That’s right, I said it….fuck you. I would rather have had the Orioles flush 3 million dollars down the toilet and then a week into the season let Nolan Reimold get some at bats than to spend 8 million, including 3 million on next year’s payroll, on Vladimir Guerrero. I know it’s early, but my concerns about him being finished still appear valid. He has been overly aggressive, even for him, at the plate so far this season… and that was what did him in the second half of last season and the postseason. Yes, occasionally he gets a base hit on a ball in the dirt and everyone gets really excited, but so far he has just made a lot of quick outs and looked really bad swinging at garbage. I obviously hope I am wrong and he does something close to what he did last year, but I’m still saying that he finishes around .820 best case, with around .800 being more likely.

How funny is the Manny situation though? Seriously dude, until they are doing blood testing the MLB drug testing is a joke and the players and trainers all know it. The game isn’t clean and it never will be until that happens, but you have to be stupid to get caught. You have the money to pay for top of the line trainers who know what shows up in a test and what doesn’t, it should be easy for a player of Manny’s stature to stay testing clean. It’s unbelievable to me that he can get caught not once but twice. Then, when he is told he got caught again, he just bails. That is comedy at it’s finest. All the people acting outraged should just chill out, everyone was doing them…. everyone. Let’s just take the same attitude towards steroids that we have for the NFL and just pretend it isn’t happening.

I attended both games of Saturday’s doubleheader. The first game was a good one to be there for. The offense actually performed pretty well, Mark Reynolds hit a long home run, and Zach Britton pitched well despite allowing a decent amount of hard contact and walking more guys than he struck out. The only thing worse than the second game was having to hear “Thank God I’m a Country Boy” twice.

The injuries continue to pile up for the Orioles which would be sad if it wasn’t so funny. This is typical stuff, the Orioles get off to a good start but they lose everyone along the way. They are perfectly set up to fall apart now. JJ Hardy is apparently only supposed to miss 2-3 weeks after straining his oblique during Saturday night’s game. I really hope the Orioles decide to start Robert Andino the majority of the time while he is out. I have no interest in watching Cesar Izturis play ever again in my life, especially not for any extended amount of time. I expect us to get spanked around pretty good by the Yankees in this next series regardless with Tillman getting ripped in the first game, and then Bergesen getting rocked on Wednesday when he is called up to make the start, and Arrieta going all Rangers on us again. Help us Brian Matusz, you’re our only hope.

Adam Jones walked for the first time this season in yesterday’s game. I suggested that the issuing pitcher should probably retire.

How bad are the Tampa Bay Rays? Looks like me and everyone else overestimated them. Looking back on last year though, the whole team stayed freakishly healthy and they may have been very lucky. Without Manny there and having a bounceback year their lineup is pretty terrible, especially with Longoria out. Maybe it isn’t a stretch that they are in the same boat as the O’s and Jays.

We are officially changing the definition of Wietersed to mean a weak ground ball to second base.

Orioles fans are funny. I have seen and heard a lot of people saying that because Britton has pitched well that they are vindicated for wanting the Orioles to start with him in the rotation instead of sending him to Norfolk. If anything, the opposite is true. If he is good it would make sense to want him on the team longer, not shorter. It’s quite idiotic actually, but in no way surprising. The casual baseball fan is commonly barely walking upright in the evolutionary timeline. This is also apparent at the ballpark where I heard lots of people making mention of the Orioles being the best team in the East or even World Series contenders after our hot start. I found that hitting them with a rolled up newspaper and sternly saying “No” or “Bad” is the only good response to this.

We have made it to 4 games so far, where have you been?


1 Comment

Filed under General Posts

One response to “Ramblings of a half-functional Turdland patient

  1. fathead

    About the Manny thing, the third act hasn’t even started. What I mean is, I see him pulling a Sammy Sosa/Jose Canseco and trying to do a come back next season.

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