Baltimore: The City That Reads…Stupid Shit On The Internet (And Loves It)

Hello Baltimore, for the most part when I write here I don’t use foul language but I’ve had enough and some is bound to come out in what follows.  It’s been a while since anyone has written anything in this space.  Most of you probably haven’t noticed because no one reads this thing.  In the sparse history that I have written for this blog I have come to realize that the fact no one reads this blog is, to me, a compliment.   It’s a running joke around here that we don’t get many page views (almost ever) and the Orioles season so far has made me very proud that virtually no one wonders when there will be new content on ESH.  That sounds strange, doesn’t it?  Well, I’ll explain.  I take the lack of readership and following of this blog as a compliment because I have come to realize that Baltimore loves shitty sports blogs.  70% of the “popular” Orioles blogs offer zero insight or inspire any discussion at all.   There are definitely some good ones but they are far outweighed by the terrible.

I’m not saying I know everything about baseball.  I’m saying that if you read or write for a blog in Baltimore then chances are you are a bumbling idiot that knows nothing about baseball.  Most of you just see what the popular topic of the day is and piggyback on that.  You give no actual reason or thought behind your ludicrous and bandwagon statements designed only to get people to agree with you. Damn the facts, those don’t get you attention.

What?  Everyone thinks this guy sucks?  Let’s tweet about every time he does something sucky and then make a joke about him getting it right when he does” – Just about any random Baltimore Blog

I realize you need no qualifications to blog on the internet.  That is what makes it great.  That is also what makes it impossible to read.  How many at least partially O’s-centric blogs do I regularly read?  About 10.  How many of those do I enjoy reading and offer anything new or inspired by an actual brain or train of thought?  4?  I don’t usually agree with those blogs so don’t think it is because I think I am smarter than everyone else.  I respect the use of facts and actual evidence, call me crazy but I when I have an opinion about something I like to actually back it up and generally respect others who at least attempt to do so.

Those who don’t write but read this shit are just as bad.  You generally have no idea what you are talking about or even why you think what you do other than you heard these idiots say it.

What was it that finally set me off?  Fucking twitter.  Specifically Nick Johnson ending his season long (which spanned a numerous 29 at bats [that is sarcasm in case you are a regular reader of shitty blogs and are not smart enough to know] ) hitless streak.  Slumps happen all the time in baseball.  It is a game that has been going on for a long, long time.  No one that was any good at all has probably ever had a slump even close to that bad.  Some bum named Mickey Mantle once went into a 0 for 20 slump, never heard of him.  Somehow Willie Mays had a hall of fame career and even won the MVP in a season where at one point he was 0 for 24.  Some other dude named Reggie Jackson or something had a stretch where he was 77 for 397 in which he started out 0 for 34.  Glad none of those guys could ever do anything to help their team.  Am I comparing Nick Johnson to these all time greats?  No, just simply pointing out that slumps happen.  It is impossible to break out of a slump without a bat in your hand.

I thought about bringing up the point that even with Nick Johnson’s awful start this year that he still has a career on base percentage of .399 and that out of these current Orioles (Adam Jones, Nolan Reimold, Matt Wieters, Nick Markakis, Chris Davis, Robert Andino, JJ Hardy, Mark Reynolds, Wilson Betemit, Endy Chavez and even Brian Roberts) there is only one time where any of these players has had a single season of on base percentage over Johnson’s career mark.  One season Nick Markakis posted a .406.  No one else was even close.  I thought about raising that point, then I remembered that most people that might read this are not smart enough to understand how ridiculously good that is or even why on base percentage is important.

Another favorite bashing point is Mark Reynolds and his atrocious defense.  Am I saying that Reynolds is good at defense?  Nope.  He isn’t, but to just bash the guy without knowing what you are talking about is sensationalistic and ignorant.  Reynolds worst seasons error wise at third base are 11, 18, 19, 26 (last season) and 34.  Those are not good.  But third base is a territory that comes with a lot of errors.  One of the best defensive 3B ever, and former Oriole, Brooks Robinson put up error totals of 14 (x2), 15 (x2), 16(x2), 17, 18 and 21.  Another Oriole 3B who is generally regarded as one of the best defensive shortstops of all time put up error totals of 11, 17, 22, 23 and 25 when he moved to third.  Reynolds makes a bunch of errors and he costs the team runs with his defense.  Unfortunately there is not a player on the roster who offers more value at third base.  Wilson Betemit?  You are proving my point that you aren’t very smart.  Betemit has never even been good enough defensively in his 9 MLB seasons to start anywhere defensively more than 87 times in one season.

While we are on the topic of Mark Reynolds we might as well touch on the part where everyone thinks this team strikes out too much. Well, I’d direct you to this link where it explains that for every 100 strikeouts worse than average a player is it generally costs the team somewhere between 1 to 2 runs per year but I don’t know if you would care to take the time to understand what that means.  By the way that is every 100 strikeouts over average, not per 100 strikeouts total.

So in conclusion, I don’t care if you read this blog or not.  In fact, keep reading those other blogs so you don’t have to try to understand anything on your own.  Just listen to them repeat to you the general uninformed sentiment surrounding the team.  If you agree or disagree or just want to call me a douche then go ahead.  Do it here in the comments if you’d like, do it on twitter if you’d like. I’m there @ESHJjaksClayton.  Unfollow me if you want, I’ll probably take that as a compliment too.

See you at the yard, I’ll be the one using my brain.

~ Jjaks Clayton


Filed under General Posts

6 responses to “Baltimore: The City That Reads…Stupid Shit On The Internet (And Loves It)

  1. I find your comments condescending at best, and generally just insulting. It must be awful lonely being the smartest guy in the room. Careful, don’t hurt yourself climbing back on that pedestal that you put yourself on. Sorry me and my fellow Orioles tweeters/ bloggers don’t measure up to your highbrow standards. Have fun shouting in a vacuum.

    • Jjaks Clayton

      That is very fine with me. The great thing is we can choose who we do and do not listen to. And I don’t think I’m smarter than everyone, just the “Oh, another strikeout” or “0 for 29? Cut him” crowd.

  2. Shane Falco

    whoa a reader. awesome.

  3. Couz

    I was just asking myself today, “What do those goddamn hooligans think about the O’s right now?” I’m glad i stumbled upon this just to see Greg Embert’s panites get all twisted up in his cheeks. Write some more entries you assholes.

  4. I f***ing love you guys. Seriously. My only criticism? Blog more. I realize this is coming from a guy that hasn’t been inspired to blog about ANYTHING O’s-related in the last 18 months or so, but still…blog more. I get it and I dig it.

  5. Autonomous

    Its funny I was farting around the net and found your blog. Im not a big baseball fan but agree with the core of your argument wholeheartedly. It seems stimulation is running dry in Americans minds with more of a ostentatious “go with the pack” mentality being more prevalent. 

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