Author Archives: Tom Ludlow

Will we post again?

We haven’t written anything in a long while, I’m sure the only people who noticed that was us. The simple fact is the Orioles are a lot less fun to blog about when they are winning and stuff. The sun may be rising over the horizon however. If you ask this kind of blogger who doesn’t know shit about shit, the franchise is not in very good shape at present.

Rebuild?!? Nah, just needs a coat of paint

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Nooooooooo, part duex

A-Rod and Manny are still boys.

Kind of makes you worry a little more about the behavior that got him suspended doesn’t it? Like any minute now he is going to go full on douchebag and we never even saw it coming.

Never forget.

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Checking in on Bryce Harper

He’s still a douche.

Read your shirt please. Repeat.

Read your shirt. Rinse and repeat.

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Dirty Little Secrets: The 2014 Edition

Don’t run around telling a lot of people in Baltimore this, but… The 2014 Baltimore Orioles aren’t good at some things. That’s right, they’re not the best team at anything, anything at all. Did I just hurt your feelings? Are you already preparing a response about how wrong I am? If you are, you might want to kill yourself…. or just read ahead a bit. The truth is, the Orioles have a few secrets that are being ignored by overzealous writers and TV analysts everywhere. Continue reading

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Shitty outfielders: The new market inefficiency

Yes, we didn’t give up again just yet.

As was displayed in the classic book “Moneyball”, the key to success in baseball on a limited budget is finding inefficiencies in the baseball market. I believe Dan Duquette and the Orioles are a ttempting to exploit the next great inefficiency. Many have speculated that once OBP started to make money, Billy Beane moved on to try to find undervalued players by exploiting defense and platoons. This has worked magically for the Athletics. The Orioles need to find their own brilliant GM to find skills undervalued by the majority of teams in baseball. I believe he has finally found it: Continue reading

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Nooooooooo

 

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Bud is no Chuck

Far too often around the Baltimore area I hear people still talk about acquiring Bud Norris as if it was a good thing. I even often hear people say they think he did pretty well for the Orioles after the trade. This kind of mindless drivel coming from the casual baseball fans around Baltimore is the kind that drives me mad. I can’t yell at people I barely know in the streets and in the office, but I can on the internet. Continue reading

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Ain’t no offseason like an Orioles offseason

HEY! HO!

It wouldn’t be an off-season in Baltimore without massive amounts of fan unrest. This year, it seems they are trying to outdo themselves. After falling one game short of the ALCS in 2012, the Orioles had a quiet off-season, much to the chagrin of Orioles fans everywhere. They had no inclination to  take the next steps necessary to take the 2012 team to the next level. With all of the luck that came in 2012, it wasn’t hard to see the 2013 regression coming. Continue reading

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Best Friends Forever

A sad day is upon us. While Brian Roberts has clearly not been worth the big contract extension the Orioles signed him to, just like a few before and after him, he was a bright spot on the team when there weren’t many. In 2005, Brian Roberts was the 6th best player in baseball by WAR. He also average 4.0 WAR between 2003-2009. Brian Roberts has been a very good player for the Orioles. As someone who did not discover their love for baseball until adulthood in the early 2000s, Brian Roberts was immediately one of my favorite players. Players of small stature are also dear to me, for obvious reasons. Brian Roberts as a baseball player tugged at my heart strings. Continue reading

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The definition of insanity

Orioles fans are up in arms in yet another episode of the Baltimore Orioles offseason. I’m still not sure what everyone expected. They’ve shown this same episode every year for quite a while now. Do these people watch re-runs of TV shows and then get upset that the ending doesn’t change? If they didn’t spend money coming off a playoff birth in 2012, why would they do it now coming off of a 2013 season in which the team regressed to it’s actual talent level? Continue reading

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Oooooo that smell, can’t you smell that smell?

At least two of us recently had a Boondock Saints style dream about bringing back the best baseball blog ever….

but our attempts to summon the return of Fire Joe Morgan failed once again. So, we are at least temporarily bringing back our shitty blog. We realize what a huge step down this is for the 5 of you that used to read this.

We didn’t actually even contact anyone about FJM, I made that part up. Continue reading

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Trade Target: Chase Headley

Yeah, we don’t write much anymore and I haven’t written in a long time. Come to think of it, it was right around the time I started banging your mother! BOOM!

Anyone who has been watching the Orioles this season knows that 3rd base has been an absolute train wreck defensively. Mark Reynolds clearly has the yips and shits himself whenever a ball is hit in his direction so he isn’t trusted there even when he isn’t hurt. Wilson Betemit is somehow even worse than that.  He has the range of Derek Jeter with hands made of what I believe to be stale bread. Ryan Flaherty looks like he can’t hit himself out of a wet paper bag.  Bill Hall appears to have spent a good portion of the last few months eating other people, and Steve Tolleson is Steve fucking Tolleson. Continue reading

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Brilliant!

Fuck the wave!

In case you haven’t seen it elsewhere, the Texas Rangers are taking a hard stand against the travesty that is the wave. Every ballpark should be adopting a similar position. We need to make this happen at the yard, even though all the empty seats usually do it for us.

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EriK the dick

Tonight’s Orioles game is interesting enough for me to stay up to watch the whole thing. The Orioles are in the midst of a very typical 4 game losing streak in which the starting pitching has been awful and the offense has completely disappeared. The bullpen on the other hand has actually been pretty solid. Funny how this game works isn’t it? So why the hell would I want to watch tonight’s game? Continue reading

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Where to begin…

The Baltimore Orioles look a lot like the Baltimore Orioles these days. Just when you think they might be better, they may have turned a corner, they shit themselves the minute they see Red Sox or Yankees. With two heartbreaking late game losses in a row, we’ve seen this movie before… many times.

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Really Kevin Gregg? Really?

Some of you have probably already seen this blog entry by Britt Ghiroli. In this entry Kevin Gregg addresses his early struggles, being booed, and the closer situation. He also does it with all of the class of an episode of “The Jersey Shore”. To put it kindly, Gregg’s comments make him seem like a real horse’s patootie. Continue reading

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The more things change, the more they stay the same

The more you watch this team, the more you get the feeling that nothing will ever work for them. Not only have the Orioles been snakebit by injuries so far in the early part of the season, but the entire lineup is underperforming. Where have we seen this before? Continue reading

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Ramblings of a half-functional Turdland patient

A lot of stuff has happened recently. Manny Ramirez retired (LOL), the Orioles got pounded with absolutely no lubrication by the Rangers in their last two games, and I saw comedian Bill Burr in Towson and even he talked about the Orioles.
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Deep thoughts, by Tom Ludlow

Let me get the first thing out of the way, the Orioles have won the first three games of the 2011 season. Yippee ki-yay mother fuckers!

Now for some complaints.

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Sarasota is for old people

No, seriously… I spent last week with the most elderly folk I had ever seen in one place. You know that stereotype about old people doing everything very slowly? It’s totally true. I was forced to walk and drive slower than ever before the entire week. These fucking snowbirds were crawling everywhere. Continue reading

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