Tag Archives: Jjaks Clayton

The Hobgoblin

Here at Eutaw Street Hooligans we not only give you analysis on games and offseason moves but since we can’t get any media credentials of our own we also give you the breakdown on other people’s interviews.  We would all have liked to ask Joe Jordan how he feels about 2009’s fifth overall pick, Matt Hobgood but since no one in the warehouse knows who we are it is hard to get close enough to ask any questions.  Luckily for everyone Joe sat down with Steve Melewski over at masnsports.com for an interview last week.

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Prediction season is upon us…

As players are getting into mid-spring training season form it is often time that the pundits and experts make their predictions as to how the season will shape up.  These predictions are based on nothing and serve to further over hype marginal free agent signings and over achievers from the years before.  I’m convinced there is no actual thought that goes into these things so to prove it I asked the rest of the Hooligans to come up with their own predictions and submit them to me.  Now, since everyone comes to us as the utmost authority on all things baseball I have decided to post these.  We all picked our own version of the AL East standings as well as division, league and World Series winners.  Also we picked MVP, Cy Young and Rookie of the Year winners for each league.  I put them into a sweet easy to read chart for you guys complete with a comments section at the bottom.  I suggest that you print this out and take it with you to Vegas, don’t forget to send us our share of the winnings though. (Eutaw Street Hooligans and their representatives, especially Jjaks Clayton, in every way condone gambling however disavow any type of  negative responsibility [financial, personal, or romantic] that these picks may cause you.)

Yes, I realize that is small and hard to read but if you click it then it will zoom in.  Get off my back.

As you can see, this is groundbreaking stuff.  We all took it very seriously and it is interesting to see that many of us came up with similar picks.  Probably because we all watched the same thing on MLB network.  We will see how things shape up and probably revisit these with revised lists mid season.  Very disappointed in the picks by Kevin Lomax though.  A little douche carpet baggery there.  He actually sent along one other item of interest.  Enjoy, and as always…Let’s Go O’s!

~ Jjaks Clayton

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Fantasy Draft Recap

If you are reading this, then you probably already know that earlier this week we had our first ever Eutaw Street Hooligans Fantasy Baseball Draft. If you aren’t reading this, then you were not one of the 16 participants in the draft because we pretty much had every reader of our site participate. It was a crazy night, and there is plenty to recap like why Pedroia sucks, Kevin Lomax becoming number one on Camden Chat’s shit list and the dangers of “Autodraft.”

Let’s start with a fantasy draft warning for everyone. For obvious reasons I made it clear as the draft was about to begin that anyone who attempted to draft “Him Who We Shall Not Speak Of” (or for those who don’t know what I am talking about, the first baseman for the New York Yankees) would be officially dead to me. Well as it turns out, Johnny Eutaw himself was unable to make our little draft and was therefore subject to the whims of Yahoo’s pre-ranking system. “And with the 8th pick in this years draft It’s Business Time selects first baseman M&%# F’ing T&%$@#!*. Let this be a warning to all fantasy participants, if you must autodraft, please put this man on your “do not draft” list or it could happen to you. As they should

Speaking of enemies. Our friend, Russ Smith, tried telling us that Dustin Pedroia in 2008 had a better season than ANY Oriole in the past 10 years! Wow, that’s a bold statement, especially since it is false. Not only has an Oriole in the last 10 years had a better season, but an Oriole of the same position has had a better season. Let’s take a look at a comparison of Dustin Pedroia’s 2008 season and Brian Roberts’ 2005 season. First Dustin Pedroia, in 2008 he had a batting average of .326 but only put up 50 walks in 726 plate appearances for an on base percentage of .376 and had 54 doubles to help him slug .493 to put up a respectable .869 OPS. He also grounded into 17 double plays and stole 20 bases. Apparently an MVP season. However, let’s now look at Brian Roberts in 2005. He had a batting average of .314 but put up 67 walks in 86 less plate appearances than Pedroia’s 2008 season giving Brian an on base percentage of .387 which is higher than that of Pedroia. Brian only hit 45 doubles in his 640 plate appearances but it still helped him put up a .515 slugging percentage and a .903 OPS. Roberts also stole 27 bases and only grounded into 6 double plays. So let’s review (math isn’t my best subject so bear with me)… If Player B got on base at a higher rate than Player A while also getting further along the base paths during that time as well as stealing more bases and making less double plays then how is Player A the superior player? Nevermind, I was never any good at word problems either.

I could recap the whole draft for you, but I won’t cause that is a lot of reading. I will offer analysis of some type for you so you aren’t in the dark. So without further adieu, here is my official analysis of Round 18 out of 23: It didn’t really stand out, other than for some reason Alex Charlie Conway drafted Jim Johnson. I think he was still upset because he had a spelling test the next day and I had been telling him all night I was going to “Gordon Bombay” his mother. This is also the round where Kevin Lomax became #1 onCamden Chat‘s Shit List. It’s better said in her own words, so hopefully Stacey doesn’t mind that I lifted this from their site:

Oh, and one more thing. Do y’all know the Eutaw Street Hooligans? Nice boys (or so I thought). They invited me to take part in their bloggers fantasy baseball league and the draft was last night. I’d been telling them from the get go that I’d be drafting Felix Pie. You know, sort of as my mascot. The last pick is always a throw away. Now, I thought we had a gentleman’s agreement over the whole thing (can you have a gentleman’s agreement if one of you is a lady?) and then, in I think the 21st round, that scoundral Kevin Lomax took Felix! Can you believe it? I’m not at liberty to tell you what I said when it happened due to this being the front page, but I’m sure you can all imagine. Because of this I declare Kevin Lomax to be Camden Chat Public Enemy #1.

Stacey, we’re not all bad. Just most of us.

Well that’s it, the recap of our fantasy draft. Until we can post official analysis of everyone’s team I will just leave you knowing that my team is by far the class of the league because I stuck to my solid game plan of not drafting anyone who plays in New York or Boston.

Until next time, Go O’s!

~ Jjaks Clayton


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Exciting Times

After a long vacation and off season I, Jjaks Clayton, return to blogging. If you don’t mind it would be appreciated if you hold your applause until the end of the show.

Spring training is under way and that means a lot of exciting times around the baseball universe. Aside from all the real baseball news happening we here at ESH have some things going on as well. You already know we will have a representative in Sarasota for spring training stretching his lungs for battle, but that’s not all…

Tom Ludlow and I will be reliving the joy of the 1977 Orioles season via a Strat-O-Matic reenactment as part of a blog called Play That Funky Baseball where they replay the games of the 1977 season “managed” by various baseball writers and bloggers around the country.  Since none of us were even born back then, we were logical choices to head up the squad for the Orioles.  Anyway, Jeff Polman runs the site and he obviously gets us.  He sent this along to help motivate us, and it worked…big time.  Go check it out and make sure to visit the sites of all the other bloggers/writers and let them know why we are better.

Now that you’ve had time to take that in, I’ll let you in on a couple other things going on.  Some of us here in the ESH house have a “Who’s Your Boy?” board.  It helps us keep track of who our boys are and also ensure no one else tries to take credit for one of your boys doing something great, like striking out 4 times in one game or hitting a game winning grand slam.  I’ll explain why this is important in a separate post but until then let your imaginations run wild.

Also, spring training means that fantasy baseball season is almost upon us.  We will help you out with all your fantasy needs, and we do mean ALL.  We’ll have our own Eutaw Street Hooligans league (maybe we let a few readers in on the fun?) and make the results public with weekly blogs.  Also we will answer any questions or problems you face in your own leagues, so send in your questions and be ready to be amazed by our baseball knowledge.

It’s good to be back.

–Jjaks Clayton

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The Closer

Let me start by saying that I believe the whole position of closer is vastly overrated, like Dane Cook. Just about any good pitcher in the bullpen can do the same job if given the opportunity and for that matter any pitcher in the bullpen should kick Dane Cook’s ass, really he is annoying and only 12 year old girls find him funny…oh yeah, and Red Sox fans. Back to the point of this post, Dane Cook sucks.

The Orioles have a closer named George Sherill, he wears a hat with a flat brim and has pitched very well this year on those rare occasions when the O’s have the lead in the 9th inning. He should be traded, absolutely. He should have been traded last year, and he should be traded this year. He should probably be traded next year also. He should be traded on the NYSE. Squeeze what you can out of unsuspecting GM’s. They will overpay for a closer. No reason we shouldn’t get a decent haul for Georgie.

All that being said, there is an exception to the closer rule.  Brian Wilson of the Giants.  I would trade our starting lineup for this guy based on hair style alone (half mohawk + half mullet = badass).  If only the rest of the Beach Boys were this awesome.

Its the Mull-Hawk~ Jjaks Clayton


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Email Banter on Trembley’s Future

Today, after discussing the merits of Casino versus such masterpieces as AVP 2, Anacoda 3: the Hoffspring, and Blue Demon…we got to discussing Trembley and his management of the team.  Below is a transcript of that conversation.

click through for a side by side

click through for a side by side


Jjaks Clayton: So how long until the Priceline Negotiator is out of a job?  This is getting pathetic, it isn’t necessarily his fault that his team is playing like a little league team of retards but something has gotta give, right?

Tom Ludlow: Well, we knew they were going to be bad, but they are even underperforming their low expectations at this point. The offense should be a strong point, but guys that can hit have forgotten how. Something is up…

Manny Acta in 2010!

Kevin Lomax: i agree with that.  we go on these runs and i keep getting suckered in to thinking they are turning the corner…but they clearly aren’t.

Jjaks Clayton: I don’t understand how you can call yourself an “old school” baseball guy and not be a hardass when your team is fucking up.  The silent treatment doesn’t work unless the team respects you and I don’t think that they do.

Kevin Lomax: he needs to get a little charlie manuel on their asses.

Tom Ludlow: As much as I hate saying this because it is bullshit. I think the players have less respect for Trembley because he never played professional baseball. This is also what Sherrill’s brother has alluded to on OH. He also said a decent percentage of the clubhouse would not be upset with Trembley being gone.

Kevin Lomax: even if they respected him…by not playing pro ball, he simply can’t handle the x’s and o’s of baseball.  i’ve not always bought into that but the evidence is overwhelming.  i know Ludlow has been saying that for some time now, in regards to managing the bull pen.

Jjaks Clayton: x’s and o’s aren’t the problem.  Every manager knows them, anyone who has watched enough baseball knows them.  The players know them without a manager.  All the manager is, is a MANAGER.  You have to know how to handle your players first and foremost then how to make a lineup, starting rotation and handle a bullpen.  But all these are knowing strengths and weaknesses of players which he obviously cannot identify and goes too much “By the book.”  Knowing someones career numbers against a certain pitcher can be helpful….if they have faced eachother 100 times.  If someone is 2 for 9 against a certain pitcher but 30 for 30 in his last 30 at bats then you don’t always have to go with the individual matchup.

Kevin Lomax: that is what i meant by x’s and o’s.  obviously there aren’t x’s and o’s in baseball like there are in football.

Tom Ludlow: You don’t have to have played pro baseball to manage a team. You can know a lot about the game without having the talent to be a professional. Trembley can’t handle the x’s and o’s because he IMO doesn’t consider numbers at all, only goes with his “gut” hunches which are usually incorrect. He also seems to have issues with upsetting veteran players even when the team’s best interests call for it. It has little to do with him never playing pro ball.

Jjaks Clayton: Tom and I have totally different views on Trembley.  I think he relies waaaaay too much on numbers.  But only because he uses the wrong numbers.  Like when he ONLY wants his lineup to be left right left in case they bring in a specialist reliever at some point.  Fuck, that would be awesome if we actually got to somebodys starter bad enough that they would have to bring in a reliever.  That is a step up in my mind so let Markakis, Huff, and Scott bat back to back earlier this year when they could actually hit the ball instead of killing the team and their individual performance.

Tom Ludlow: Agree with all of this. All these things are dumb. I meant mainly in how he does his lineups etc. There is no reason Mora should continue to be the everyday 3B with the numbers he is putting up. Reimold should not sit as often as he does with what he is doing also. Agree that making lineups with super small sample sizes is ridiculous and he does it way too often. Wieters has been the O’s hottest hitter for a decent stretch and he still sits way too often and he still never DHs him rather than giving him a day off completely because he is afraid of Zaun getting hurt in the middle of a game and they may lose the DH for a few innings, also ridiculous. He does a whole host of things wrong but his bullpen management and his lineups almost seem done at random. If a manager can’t fill out a lineup card or manage a pitching staff then what does he do?

Jjaks Clayton: I told you already.  He saves them MILLIONS on hotel rooms and flights for road trips

Who says you need to work at work?

While doing research for this post I found this.  His last anti-Manuel post was last July…a few months before the Phillies won the world sereis.  Talk about your all time back-fire.


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It’s Always Smoggy In Philadelphia

Adventures Away from the YardAs you may know, the Eutaw Street Hooligans made a trip up to Philly on Saturday to watch the O’s beat up on the World Series Champs.  We took our show on the road to the ill-named City of Brotherly Love. I’m not saying that the fans up there were douches, but only because I’m not sure that is a strong enough term.  We’ll get to that later.

Let’s start with Citizens Bank Park.  Weak sauce.  Take everything you love about OPACY and…well, they tried to replicate it.  They were unsuccessful.  They have their own former player Boog’s knock-off and a fake Eutaw Street they call Ashburn Alley.  But, the thing that really sucked (no, not the assortment of trash strewn about the stands…I said we Where is the fence?would talk fans later) was that from our right field seats, we couldn’t even see the whole field!  We still aren’t convinced that Zaun hit that homerun because for starters it is Greg-freakin’-Zaun, but also because we couldn’t see the fence in right or center field, not to mention about 50 feet into the field of play, either.  At first glance, I thought they were so cocky that they were playing with no right fielder, but it turns out Jayson Werth was just hiding from us.  Beyond the field of play, it seemed like we were on a tour of Natinal’s Park, except they couldn’t fit everything.  So, they decided to add more attractions to get in your way.  A ball pit and sky tube funasium that would make Chuck E. jealous (weep?), carnival games, and endless eateries just blocking up the scenery.  Yes, THE Mitch WilliamsThe lone bright spot?  Mitch Williams Wild Thing Southpaw Salsa!  We didn’t eat it, but the fact that it exists is amazing  by itself.  Let me get this straight, Philadelphia…you will boo Santa Claus, but Mitch Williams gets his own salsa and you are okay with that?!  Mitch-fucking-Williams!  Way to embrace mediocrity, which explains a lot about your stadium.

Now, let’s talk about the city.  First of all, we live in Baltimore.  Our chief exports are murder and STDs.  But I’m pretty sure I could see in the distance one, of what I am assuming is many, factories which only exists to produce smog 24 hours a day.  You could smell it, you could taste it and you could certainly feel it.  The weather channel kept telling me it was raining, but I am pretty sure that the moisture we were feeling was just an ever present cloud of dense smog.  It felt like we were in a sauna of death and garbage that was too gross for the landfill.


Nothing like trash and landfill as a segue to Phillies fans.  I know, we’re hecklers and call ourselves hooligans and we are complaining about other team’s fans.  At the risk of sounding hypocritical, these guys (and gals) are dicks.  Not all of them, we did talk to a few delightful fans.  One of which asked us on our way into the stadium why we would bother lowering ourselves to see a game at CBP when we have OPACY to go to at home.  Wow, was he right.  But anyway, we are not stupid.  When we take our show on the road we tone it down a notch or 5.  There wasn’t any heckling of their players there weren’t any confrontations with their fans, just good ol’ fashioned cheering for the O’s.  Baltimore took a 3-0 lead and we stood and clapped, thats all, clapped and a high five, and said nothing to anyone else…next thing we know there is stuff being thrown at us.  Classy.

Then Baez happened.  Ryan Howard comes off his death bed to deal a death blow to our enthusiasm. Now that they had the lead, they were a little more vocal. Fast forward to the 9th inning, Zaun hits a dinger…laughter ensues because we were immediately calling for Trembley’s head for allowing him to bat and because well let’s face it Zaun hit a dinger.  A grown woman sitting behind us with her mother who had to be at least 147 years old starts yelling at us, “When was your last MVP?”  Probably right around the last time you had all your teeth.  We tell her that her knocks are useless against us because we know that Baltimore is a sub .500 team that needs our love and support.  Her reply?  “Why don’t you try winning a World Series?”  No problem, we could clearly beat either Texas or LSU 2 out of 3 times.  Salazar singles and we start to get that feeling deep in our pants hearts.

What the cover SHOULD look likeBrian Roberts comes up to the plate and…chiton!  Only we weren’t sure because of our obstructed view.  The boos, however, confirmed it.  Howard took the lead with a homerun, and Brian Roberts won it with one.  If I remember math class correctly, this makes Brian Roberts ≥ Ryan Howard.  Bring the rain Phillies fans…we are showered with what seems to be ice cubes and french fries from a few rows above us.  We’ll take the fries, and another come-from-behind victory over the N.L. East.  Orioles 6, Phillies 5. W

There’s no place like home…

~Jjaks Clayton

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Heckler’s Guide

For those of you new at heckling or those of you trying to better your techniques, we’re here to help.   So sit back, relax, and take our advice on effective heckling.

First, we will go over possible targets of heckling.

1.  The Opposition – This includes players and coaches of the opposing team as well as the entire team itself.

2. Umpires – The third team on the field.

3. Other fans – There are many reasons they should be heckled (see below)

4. Orioles players – These heckles MUST be accompanied by an audible expression of your unwavering love for them (unless it’s Hendrickson).

Now you’ve got your targets, but what’s the best way to hit ’em where it hurts?

Players are easy and there are 3 basic ways to heckle them.

  • The first is cultural.  For example, Hideki  Matsui’s nickname is Godzilla.  This opens up the possibility for movie references as well as other fictional beasts such as The Incredible Hulk and Donkey Kong as well.  Be creative.  It is also perfectly acceptable to ask Ichiro if he played ball with Tom Selleck.
  • The second is  on field performance.   This is easy, “Francour is like baseballs version of Superman, except his kryptonite isBaby Momma? getting on base.”
  • The third is off-field shenanigans.  This is where you can have some fun.  Here’s an example for our neighbor in the district, Elijah Dukes: “He didn’t misplay that fly ball, it just followed the lead of his ex wife and took out a restraining order against him.

Heckling of umpires is the most basic of all and really if you can’t do this without my help then you have a long way to come still in your heckling life.

Heckling other fans should only be done for fun as we do not condone fighting.  There are a few different reasons to heckle other fans.  These include:

  • wearing another sports jersey to a baseball game (i.e. a Caps jersey to a Nats game.  The good teams vibes won’t rub off on the shitty one so give it up.)
  • wearing a jersey or hat of a team not participating in the event currently taking place (i.e. a Boston hat to an Orioles v. Detroit game…we get it, you’re a bandwagon fan.)
  • wearing team gear that is a color other than an official team color (i.e. green O’s hats, red Yankees hats)
  • or anyone over the age of 12 who brings a baseball mitt to the game.  Honestly, chances are,  if you brought your glove to the game, you lack the skill to properly use it.  These heckles are not for everybody as they may seem a little mean, such as “Its a good thing you brought your mitt dude.  You never know when we’re going to have another middle infielder go down.”

Now we’ll get on to heckling of our own players.  As a fan, you agree to accept all players on the roster no matter what.  For example, Ty Wigginton.  “With Wiggy on our side we’ve got this in the bag if it turns into a wing eating contest” or “Wiggy would lead the league in stolen bases if we put a double cheeseburger on 2nd base” followed immediately by “You’re my boy Ty!”  This also includes the reverse heckle.  “Sherrill is built like a bowling pin, there is no way he strikes this guy out for the save.”

There it is, your beginners guide.  Look for more to follow, and if you have any questions just ask.  We’re here to help.

See you at the yard!

~ Jjaks Clayton

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Steal of the Draft

Earlier today the Orioles selected Mike Flacco, 3rd baseman out of Catonsville Community College, as well as brother of Ravens quarterback Joe Flacco.

It’s good to know that we have found a game manager in the late rounds of the draft. Finally we will no longer be subjected to watching Mora throw interceptions at key moments late in the game. From now on, once we have a lead and a ground ball is hit to 3rd we can expect to see Mike drop back and hand the ball off to Izzy to run over to first.

We may want to think about beefing up his protection, though. BRob needs to work on his footwork and blocking technique.

Your new right side of the infield

See you at the yard

~ Jjaks Clayton

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