Yeah, we don’t write much anymore and I haven’t written in a long time. Come to think of it, it was right around the time I started banging your mother! BOOM!
Anyone who has been watching the Orioles this season knows that 3rd base has been an absolute train wreck defensively. Mark Reynolds clearly has the yips and shits himself whenever a ball is hit in his direction so he isn’t trusted there even when he isn’t hurt. Wilson Betemit is somehow even worse than that. He has the range of Derek Jeter with hands made of what I believe to be stale bread. Ryan Flaherty looks like he can’t hit himself out of a wet paper bag. Bill Hall appears to have spent a good portion of the last few months eating other people, and Steve Tolleson is Steve fucking Tolleson. It’s pretty clear at this point that the Orioles need to look outside of the organization for a solution if they want to keep up this illusion of a good team this year. I know what some of you, and maybe even some people in the organization, are thinking; “Hey, Brian Roberts is going to come back and be vintage Brian Roberts and then Robert Andino will play 3rd and then we will all make ice cream sundaes and blow each other”. I’m sorry to ruin that dream guys, but it isn’t happening. Brian Roberts may come back this year, but it is nothing we should make plans for. Especially considering that in all likelihood when he does try to come back, he’s going to suck ass. He’s been out for pretty much two years now and he’s old. He’s probably done.
With that said, what am I suggesting? I suggest we look into acquiring Chase Headley of the San Diego Padres. Headley is off to a solid start this year and is coming off of a solid campaign in 2011. He is 28 years old and is starting to become expensive for a super small market club like the Padres. Headley is sporting a .254/.388/.438 slash line so far this year and in 2011 he was at .289/.374/.399. Those of you who take a quick glance at his numbers will likely be unimpressed with his traditional counting stats. Yes, he hasn’t hit for great averages, hit a lot of home runs, driven in a lot of runs, or stolen a ton of bases. You might recall that he plays his homegames in Petco Park, which is a known nightmare for hitters. Headley appears to be very sensitive to the effects of his home ballpark. When you take a closer look you will see that in his career, Headley has hit .231/.326/.339 at home and .301/.365/.446 away from Petco. In 2011, those numbers were .243/.348/.326 and .330/.399/.465. In 2012 so far, he’s at .252/.392/.373 and .255/.379/.553. It’s possible that Headley could look like a much better player once he moves out of San Diego. There is more pop there than he has been able to show, and that’s coupled with a solid batting eye, and a 8.5 career UZR at 3rd base making him a pretty damn good player.
The Padres are obviously rebuilding and would almost certainly require prospects. Now, the Orioles farm system is pretty barren of decent mid-level prospects these days and we certainly wouldn’t trade guys like Bundy and Machado for Headley. I think I would be willing to go as high as Schoop for Headley but even that may be pushing it. Of course, it also depends on how high the Padres value Headley. It’s possible that the Padres really like Headley and will want the sky for him. I don’t see that as likely. Would you move Schoop for him? Do you think the Padres would entertain a package centered around the next tier of guys like Hoes and Avery? Obviously, I would move those guys for him, which probably means it isn’t enough. Regardless, this is a target the Orioles should obviously be on if they aren’t already. Hopefully, they are looking into it. Then again, Headley wasn’t around 10 years ago so it is possible Dan Duquette will need someone to brief him.
Who wouldn’t want these sweethearts hanging around the team?